Scared and need advice

[avermont]

Hi again. Wow, what a rough night. Barely holding it together here at work.

"Moving forward" on the house means getting into who will buy the other out.

He really wants it, and truthfully he put a lot more sweat and mental equity into it than I did. Not that I will ever say that to a L or in court! The other reason he wants it is the beautiful post and beam workshop/storage outbuilding. It has all his father's old tools, and beautiful new tools and woodworking projects. We built that building together.

I don't really want the house,but I CANNOT at this point accept him moving in with OW. If she didn't exist, I might be able to accept selling out to him.

What I want is either NEITHER of us gets the house, or I do. And this will not be pretty.

He keeps throwing at me the statement I maded once, 15 years ago, when we bought the house: "gee, if we ever break up, we would have apartments to move to!"

I apologized over and over again for that. Tried to say it was a terrible remark made by a much younger, and scarder, person. But he brings it up as if it were a contract we had signed.

I will tell him that if he brings that one statement up again, I will bring up ALL the statements he made as recently as 8 months ago that involved LOVE and COMMITTMENT and our lives TOGETHER--so why aren't those statements any more pertinent and valid than what I said once 15 years ago?

I will also insist that any conversation about the house happen with a counselor of some sort present. I cannot do it without someone else to help us hear each other.

Remember, it was his original plan that I should move to the apartment next door immediately post-Bomb, so he could move OW into the main house. I guess that is what they call the "fog."

Part of the pressure is he chose to move into an apartment with a 9 month lease, so come May he needs a place for him/her. I don't really feel that is my problem, though. Before he found the place, I said at one of our two MC sessions that I needed a year, and the C said that yes, it was best to wait a year before making big decisions like that.

I spoke with the bank and I am pre-approved to re-fi the house in my own name. I would have to find some $40K to pay him off, though. We are equally matched pocket-wise to buy each other out,but of course he also has a partner to kick in extra $.

I guess this shows me if nothing else how non-detached I am. I can't believe the crying and howling that I did last night. I thought I was further along than this.

Thanks for all your details, it really does help.

I will be writing a lot more trying to move past this horrible set back of emotions.

I appreciate any hugs and advice--