Seems like you should keep all communication down to just the kids and business and if he doesn't like it, I agree with OP in just reminding him that he wants a D. I know you want things to be amicable for your kids, but maybe the time isn't right to be "friends" yet. I know you are hurting terribly and he still is projecting so distance would probably be a good thing.
Have you looked into local divorce care groups at all?
