Question

[awest1217]

CTH - in IN, and more importantly the county we live in, just started last year that no divorce gets to court until an agreement has been made. Everything must be agreed with the lawyers/mediator, before we ever get to see a judge so ultimately what I am doing with the meeting is trying to hammer out the agreement now, start it now, and then if he continues not to change, and I get the money, I can file. One thing is H did pay child support this month and didn't have to, which means he has paid since October. The whole point of us meeting is so I can make the final financial decisions. If it goes to D, we will have things already discussed so I can decide if I should try to sell the house or something else. Kind of like you and upping the lease on the apartment, I can't make that decision until I know where we stand because of the mixed signals so that is the point of the meeting. Get one last chance, be solution-oriented, and end the meeting with a plan.

After posting last night, H texts me and asks me if I would let him come home right now? It was a long two hour time of texting back and forth where I said no and told him what he would have to do to come home and he said he agreed to what he would ahve to do, but it seemed like a lot to just come home. I added in a lot like wooing me back and stuff that could happen with him at home and probably would work better if he were at home because I would trust him more. I ultimately told him that he would have to cut out OW completely, start going back to church, and prove to me he can handle having friends without it becoming more. He then said he would never have friends again and I said that is stupid and I won't allow it. He then started to harp on "church" people and complaining about them so I just said I was one of them and let it go. I reiterated my three things to come back and the other stuff to continue improving (including MC and complete transparency of all his electronic devices), and he said I have been #1 in his life for some time and he hasn't talked or seen OW in weeks, but right then I was on his AIM and he was IMing her while saying he hadn't talked to her. I told him that if he really wants to come home he will have to sacrifice and put himself out there with possibly no hope of anything coming back in return. I need him to prove to me that he has changed because I don't want this to be another trial thing, but a forever thing and he has to prove it because I need to protect myself and S. I also said I am sealed up and he will have to carefully open me back up because I am not going to get hurt again. A lot went on and ultimately OW said love you and talk to you tomorrow. I left things at I am tired of being in limbo and for both of our sakes we need it to end so I want to have a date for a meeting by today. I want at that meeting what he wants to do from here on out. He knows what I am expecting and it is up to him now to make the choice, but a choice has to be made.

My biggest concern is the fact that he has to start paying rent next month so I think he just wants to come home partially so he doesn't pay rent. He did say a lot of stuff about how he misses me and how he has learned that being a family means sacrificing for the family. I don't know if I can trust him. I am scared. I am ok now with a D and although I don't want H to have visitation, I believe deep down if he wants a D he won't try for visitation because he doesn't want anything to do with me, but reconciling scares me. Funny how things have changed in the past few weeks, but I am scared of him not changing, and ultimately it is his house so he could come home and I can't stop him, but I don't think he would do that. He does know what i am expecting so if he wants to come home I guess he is willing to do that stuff so I should trust it, right?