An Emotional Christmas. I got a 6am Happy Christmas text from him and sent friendly one back. Texted him a simple " Happy Birthday" on 30th and got this by return.Dearest Caroline,
Thank you for your happy birthday text - it meant a lot.
I'm off to visit mom shortly with dad. My mom's illness and the vulnerability of mom and dad over these last months has given me the opportunity to look after them and has made me think about I how can be a better person. I guess its my moms parting gift. So there are some things are I would like to say that I've wanted to say to you for some time. They are my deepest regrets but I hope you won't think I need to be rescued from feeling them. This doesn't require a reply. There's quite a list but I'll restrict myself to the things that stand out the most.
You trusted me enough to go through the childhood you never had as a girl and I pushed you away. I didn't recognise it because I was selfish and childish. I am so sorry. I kept myself apart and took no part in your family life. That must have been so hurtful. I regret that so much. I was self centred and ridiculous. I wish I'd have acted more responsibly and been more like a grown man to you. There's no point going through the rest - all else came from that.
I will be wishing you well this new year with all my heart.
Christopher x
Responded by saying that I was not blameless- I saw he was unhappy but denied it ,but that I wasnt going to rescue him from his regrets and yes,he did hurt me.I said we had both learned a lot in the last 3 years and that I cared very much for the good person that he was. I wished him well. Now, he is supposed to respond to my soliciters 3 financial options by the end of this month. Nothing yet- he is still frozen. I sense his great regret but not sure how to go on with this. I still have strong feelings for him but have learned to live alone.Should I remain detached and silent unless he contacts me, or broach the subject of the settlement/divorce which neither of us mentions?
