I can hear your australian accent through your post... kind of cool.
This is hilarious. What accent??
I was down south at home over Christmas, which is our long summer break, I'd been at mum and dads for about a week, when mum sat me down and told me I've been in the Northern Territory too long, my elocution was appalling and she hadn't put me through school to hear me refer to a "significant group" as "biggest mob"!!!! The poor thing. She was so upset. Obviously I do have an Australian accent, but I think it's even stronger at the moment because I spend so much time speaking Kriol (pidgin English) with Indigenous people.
When I first came here, I called myself Walkingback - because I was a walkaway wife come-to-my-senses. You're right though, when I changed it to Walking there was an element of going walkabout I wanted to capture!!
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I did not bring up the D to manipulate her or shake her up or gain control of the situation. I am/was approaching the point your husband did. I guess I need to resolve myself to some sort of a path... sortof the sawshank get busy livin or get busy dyin thing.
I understand what your getting at here and I totally support it. I just caution you that we kid ourselves that once we make the decision to move on it'll all get better. Moving on is a journey in and of itself - and it's not necessarily a comfortable one.
Perhaps the best advice I can give you in relation to moving forward with your life is that you can do that regardless of standing for your marriage or not.
Sort out the things that are currently important to you - ignoring for the time being your relationship with your wife because that is largely out of your control. You can get busy living for those things that are in your control (your kids, your job, your friends and family, your interests, your hobbies etc etc)leaving the door ajar to a reconciliation with your wife when and if that happens.
Have you seen that Jennifer Aniston movie "The Breakup"? It's a good analogy for how a relationship ends, and how in our world of decisions and actions NOW often events overtake each other so that you back yourself into a corner. You don't need to back yourself into a corner by progressing a divorce. You can get busy living without regard to the relationship with your wife because that is only one part of your life when you really think about it.
I had a therapist who proposed a theory to me that I really like and try to live by. He says we need to consider our life as a square, made up of 9 squares (3x3). Those boxes are (in no particular order) 1. You 2. parnter 3. kids 4. parents/siblings 5. job 6. friends 7. hobbies 8. extended family 9. community service
we need to invest in each of those boxes in order to have a fulfilled life. I like it because it puts stuff in perspective - so what if your job is crap - you've still got another 8 boxes to keep you going. So what if your having problems in the partner box .... etc
I hope you had a good weekend and life is looking a little brighter for you.
Cheers, V
V
Never make someone a priority, who makes you an option.
