Hopeless feelings

[flowmom]

He wants to start looking for a lawyer this week. I told him that it's only been 7 weeks, can't we slow down. He said we just needed to get this all over with as soon as possible so we both could move on and be happy.

I told him that I'm giving him space, and would like to wait before we make any D decisions. He said what he always says, “I can’t come back from this, I’ve told you that a million times”. I hate hearing that, he always says it every time we talk.

That is very tricky and I'm sure I'll be having the same conversations very soon. I would avoid using WE at all in your conversations, because to your H there is no WE.

I told him that it's only been 7 weeks, can't we slow down.

Instead maybe "I know you're ready to proceed with this. I am not ready yet"

I told him that I'm giving him space, and would like to wait before we make any D decisions.

Instead maybe "I'm giving you the space that you want. I need time before making any decisions."

He said what he always says, “I can’t come back from this, I’ve told you that a million times”

Maybe your response could be: "I understand where you're at.".

That's how I intend to deal with conversations like that. Hope that helps.

Also, you might want to think about if there are any triggers for these kinds of conversations. The last time that H mentioned D to me, the trigger was him trying to get me to do something with the kids on my time that was important to him. He started the conversation sort of aggressively, and I dug in my heels. Then he got mean in the conversation. If I could do that evening over again, I would have tried to redirect the conversation or put it off given that I could tell right away that he was in a p1ssy mood and trying to bait me.