WAW - Very confused and devastated - pt 11

[confusedinpa]

Just more journaling as we are still on the same path

I got the boys on Sun as planned to watch football together. I was annoyed when my boys told me that when it was soooo nice out on Sat, all they did was go to Cosco for 2+ hours and then to Target for over an hour. They had asked if they could go home to see me so that wouldn't have to go but she said no. They said she wanted them to help pick out toys for their B'day but they didn't even do that. My boys were angry about it as well.

I didn't let them dwell on it as we were getting ready to watch football together. We had a blast.

I had the boys for Mon and Tues as well. It was all good.

On Weds, when she was suppose to pick them up, my 3 year old told her that she didn't want to go with her. She said that they were going to our mutual friend's house to exchange Xmas presents with their kids. My boys then asked if they could just come home after that since it was close to our house and then they wouldn't have to get up so early the next morning. She asked if I was ok with it. I said of course. She said that she'll talk with them about it more later. My 3 year old was all excited about coming back home.

I went out with a buddy for beer and wings and rushed back to make sure I was home when they would get back. When it got close to their bed time, I tried to call to find out what was going on. She didn't answer - neither her cell or her apt phone. I sent her a text and an email asking to talk with the boys. About 30 minutes later, I tried calling again. This time my 3 year old answered hysterical that he was at her place and that he missed me and wanted to come home. I heard my 7 year old crying in the background as well saying he wanted to go home as well.

She got on the phone and then started yelling at me about how the boys weren't listening to her and that it was my fault since I let my 3 year old skip his nap. I just told her that I don't have these types of problems with them (with or without his nap) and that I just wanted to say goodnite to them.

I said goodnite to my 7 year old but when my 3 year got on the phone he was still hysterical. Before I could say goodnite, she got on the phone and said bye and hung up. I sent her a text saying I just wanted to say goodnite - but she didn't answer until 45 minutes later saying it was too late as the boys were asleep.

We went back and forth on texting for a while. She said that she felt like I was tricking the boys into wanting to come home instead of going to her place. She said she was doing me a favor by letting me have the boys so much and she wasn't going to do that any more. I just told her that the boys were the one asking. I of course want to see them as much as possible, but it's their decision to ask.

We went back and forth for a while as I tried to defuse the situation by listening and acknowledging how frustrated she was. I worked it back around eventually to tell her I thought it was helpful for her to have the kids come back so that she wouldn't have to the kids up so early to bring them out. She said it was an inconvienince to have to drive almost 45 minutes each morning running them to school and my place before getting to work (I was thinking how I used to drive 2.5 hours back and forth from NY just to see my boys but didn't say anything). At the end she seemed to have calmed down.

On Thurs, we had a parent teacher conference for my 3 year old to review his progress. He was doing really well except his teacher said he has been not as upbeat and energetic since the start of the year. She tried to blame it on how he's not taking naps anymore but I reminded her that he stopped that back in late Nov.

I brought up the fact how he has said that he is sad and angry about the situation with his mom and dad. She didn't think that could be it. Typical WAW BS. I didn't feel like getting into it with her in front of the teacher, but I just left it at that.

We wound up going to lunch together afterwards. Not very eventful as it was similar to the times we spent together before I found out the truth. I don't know why I even went.

Afterwards, she sent me a bunch of links talking about how 3 year olds need between 10-12 hours of sleep. I was going to send and email back telliner her that he is getting about 11 hours/nite when he's home with me, but my friend reminded me that there is no point arguing someone who is insane. So I just ignored it.

Later that day, I picked up my 7 year old from school. He told me she told them that they didn't get to come home because they weren't listening to her and it was their fault. He was very upset. I told him that it was disappointing that they didn't get to come home and I know that they do try their best to do a good job with her.

Tben my 7 year old told me how she told my 3 year old that he really didn't want to come home as he really doesn't love daddy. I was like WTF. I asked him to repeat it. He said the same thing that she told my 3 year old that he doesn't love daddy. I asked him how his little brother reacted. He said that he yelled at her saying yes he did and kept crying that he wanted to come home.

Later that day, she and my 3 year old came to pick up my 7 year old. My 3 year old gave me a hug that almost choked me. As I walked down the driveway to put him and his brother into her car, I just told him that I love him very much and miss him and can't wait for him to be home tomorrow. I then reminded him to try and do a good job tonite. He said he would.

Later that nite, after I said goodnite to the boys, she sent me a text saying they did much better that nite (implying that he got a nap at school). I just replied I was glad to hear that as I had talked with both of them about doing a good job.

I had a good day with the boys on Fri when they got home. I did ask my 3 year old what happened on Weds nite. He said he missed me and wanted to come home but she wouldn't let him. He said he asked to call me but she said no. The she told him that he didn't really love me. He said that made him sad and mad as he knew he did but she didn't believe him. I just gave him a hug and kiss and told him that I loved him.

Then my 7 year old asked if we could stop talking about it as it was making him sad again. I told him sure and the boys had a good time being home again.

On Sat, we had to go a B'day party of a mutual friend. It was at a bowling alley for a 5 year old. I knew she was going to be there as well. When we got there, the boys were all excited for us to bowl together. The other kids arrived and when she showed up, she said she and my 3 year old were going to bowl together on one lane and me and my 7 year old would bowl a few lanes over. My 3 year old freaked out saying he wanted to stay with me to play bowling.

I could tell she was embarrassed as she just looked away and said that would be fine.

She sat at the table behind us as bowled. The boys didn't pay much attention to her. I felt a little bad about it so I got them a couple of orange sodas and put them on the table next to her. They then started to talk with her when they went to drink their soda.

We went and had cake - I didn't really say much to her. I did ask if she needed a bottle of water as I went up to get one. When it was over, I just rounded up the boys as we were planning on going out to a park afterwards since it was so nice out. They just waved bye to her as we walked out the door. I was a little surprised they didn't give her a hug and kiss goodbye nor that she didn't ask for one.

I think she had thought I was going to invite her out with us like the last time we were at a Bday party together. I just really wasn't in the mood to spend anytime with her. Guess I'm still angry.....

After the park, we went out for dinner at a local pizzaria. Then we went home and got the boys ready for bed. My 7 year old commented about how well his brother did tonite, even with missing a nap. He said that he doesn't do as well when they are with her. He said she keeps telling them it's because the 3 year old missed his nap but my 3 year old keeps telling her it's because he just misses me and wants to see daddy.

I gave them a hug and kiss and told I loved them as I tucked them into bed.

I was annoyed about this whole nap thing but my friend is right - no point in arguing with someone who is insane.

We had a good day today as we did a few loads of laundry before the football games started. My boys had a blast watching the game as we tossed a nerf football around during the game. My 3 year old, in the middle, announced he was tired and was going to take a nap on the couch. He does that from time to time, but it still surprises me when he does.

That gave my 7 year old and I a little one on one time together. We played some more football together before he wound up reading some of the comics my cousin got him.

So they're in bed now and I still got them for two more days.... it's all good.

I'm still looking for a job - whole bunch of resumes out, but just a couple of phone interviews.

I got a interview on Tues at a place that's 3 miles away. It doesn't pay anywhere near what I used to make, but it should be enough to pay the bills. I'm excited about it, but don't want to get my hopes up as it will really give me a good opportunity to spend the time I want with my boys. Keep your fingers crossed!