I did the list thing. I couldn't manage to make the list equal either. My MC reminded me that after M things settle down below the beginning 'infactuation' and newness phase. Seemed to make a lot of sense.
One HUGE mistake I made was sharing the list with my W. She asked to see it, but still, I should've said 'over my dead body'!
The good thing about sharing the ideas from the list is that some topics I didn't want to say got said. This gave her a chance to at least know what I felt I was missing. Only one aspect changed a lot (sex), but I think that if we stay M (sadly, if), then we know what to work on. Gnosis called it a 'laundry list' on one of his posts referring to things he wanted to change about himself.
Another word of caution on your list making...I read somewhere to score each item from 1-9. I did this with the good and the bad, then I had to make it one list, not two. I also went back to the list many times when my sitch changed for the better. I also realized that I had to have a score of 18 for anything that was so incredibly good (staying with my kids, for example), and -18 for something I was absoulutely unwilling to accept.
Whether you number them or not - be honest and avoid getting the grass is greener outlook.
