LRTs? 180s? When there isn't at least a basic level of detachment coupled with clearly communicated boundaries for consequences for violations?
I think you may find it useful to re-visit the basics ...
Deep,
I will be the first to admit that I have serious issues with sticking to my guns. When this first happened and I found out about detachment (or no contact as its referred to other places) I tried doing it first but failed for a number of reasons. One of which involved my SO making incorrect assumptions about me trying to do something sneaky behind her back with regards to custody of our daughter.
Every time I thought I was set in maintaining limited contact (e.g I havent heard from her or contacted her), I am contacted by her in some way (usually about our daughter) and I slip. So thats why I'm thinking detaching on such an extreme level may be too lofty a goal.
As far as setting boundaries goes...at this point he only boundary I can see that I could try and set would be involving her relationship with the OM. Since she "said" her relationship with the OM hasnt become physical yet, I asked her if she was willing to remain faithful and she flat out said no. That having been said, I think (assume) from our conversation yesterday and this morning that she knows that if it becomes physical, I want no part of it or her.
In such a case I have every intention of cutting her off aside from picking up/dropping off our daughter and calling in case of medical emergency.
I guess my question based on your comments is should I tell her this right now in no uncertain terms and not just assume she understood that from the way we talked and how I said I couldnt be friends with her while she moved on with another man?
Now that I know for sure that there's another person involved, I know from reading Micheles book that talk of the OP should be avoided...so if I brought that back up, after thinking my point about how I would feel if things were physical was made clear and seeing what seems to be a few positive aspects, wont that be counterproductive?
I belive I've said my peace to her and she knows what I want, so I dont see needing to have another serious conversation about our relationship or bring up her relationship with the OP.
At this point it seems my plan of action is to not initiate contact with her unless its of dire importance about our daughter, go about my life and daily activities without expecting her in it, if she calls/writes/wants to talk respond to her in positive but reserved ways, and if she wants to do things together as I mentioned in a previous post, as long as it isnt interfering with anything else I've got to do, accept.
Does that sound reasonable...or am I just being too spineless and doormat-like?
I can understand if it's the latter over the former...but given that two months ago she told me she wouldnt be going out on any dates with me to give me another chance, and now she's suggested hanging out with me one on one, I would hope it is at least possible to see why I wouldnt want to dismiss things so quickly.
