I just went through 11 pages and thought - there's probably much more that you didn't even say!
I guess the D papers make things much more concrete. I've read so much, and it seems that you have too, to know that there is only so far you can spin before a 180 gets you back to 360 (otherwise known as 0!)
Good luck with whatever direction you end off going. Do you think that you or she might change your mind before the final D date? If so, maybe begin with a peace offering that is against what is often encouragedd - give her a book that speaks to your needs that haven't been met. If she reads it and can connect with it, maybe she'll be able to show something of you that you've been missing. (I've been suggesting "How to Improve Your Marriage Without Talking About It" - it part because it addresses a lot of things that my wife did to ps me off...)
