The adventure chronicles

[AFWAW]

I hope you realize that it was a slap in the face for her.

I know, but it's how I feel.

Take the time to WRITE out everything you want and don't want. Put it down on paper because it helps you reach a rational decision. This is a CRITICAL turning point right here.

I have been writing everything down. The hard part is the pro list isn't as long as the con list. I know it's a critical point. I still don't know what to do though.

Originally Posted By: AFWAW
She said, I don't think you're going to be able to get past the hurt I've caused

Both of you don't know the real answer to this question at this point in time. She is mind-reading and you're in an emotional state. You could tell her, "W, you have no idea of what I am and am not capable of dealing with. Please do not try to read my mind because you have no idea of what is going on inside it. I need some time and space so that I can give you an HONEST answer."

I guess that's fair.

She is telling you that she has accepted the consequences of her actions. Yes, she may be trying to control you, but I don't think so. It sounds as if she has reached the end of her rope and is in pain. I believe her words here, and I also believe that she honestly wants to come back. (This is based on what you have written. Only you can tell the truth through her voice tonality over the phone)

I don't think she's trying to control me either at this point. I think she just wants a decision. She may be in pain but she caused it and no that doesn't make me feel better. I believe honestly that she wants to come back as well.

No, it sounds like a desperate woman trying whatever she can to pick up the pieces of the life she destroyed.

Maybe, she does sound lonely but why does she have to find comfort with other men--that's the part that kills me.

She opened up to you with the truth of how many she's been with and the last time it happened. She didn't have to do that -- and IMHO if she wasn't serious about reconciling she wouldn't have.

Maybe, I hope it's the truth this time. I just wish the truth didn't hurt so bad. I can't believe that after almost a year it still hurts. Not as bad as it did but every once in a while.

You owe it to yourself to take a time-out and evaluate yourself.
(The only thing in her confession that has changed is that the number of partners has increased to six... and, please, I'm NOT downplaying that.)

I know I do, but it's still hard.

You need to come down with an honest answer to:

- Can you forgive her?
- Can you see yourself living a life with her (once she makes the changes required)

I don't know if I can forgive her. The old me would have done so very quickly but the new me is very cautious. I still love her but that's an awful lot to get past. Same on the second question, I don't know. She's done a lot of damage and not just emotionally with me. Her actions have affected my whole family. Then if I look at it from a logistical standpoint, she hasn't done herself any favors financially and I'm sure I would have to help with that as well if she were to come home.

Maintain the dating -- and put in the boundary -- EXCLUSIVE dating. You will need to communicate with her that healing from both sides will take time and not to expect to move back home immediately. You can tell her that you appreciate her honesty and can see that she has taken the right steps towards coming home. She still has a few more things to complete, but you're open to it.

We went out to brunch today and then she came over and watched a movie with my daughter and I. It was nice to have her over and it felt comfortable. I do see your point about her being honest(I really hope this is the case this time)

All of the above are DIFFICULT decisions to make and this is why I advocate you take the time to do the soul-searching. As for me, I will respect your decision whichever way you choose to proceed.

You're right, it is difficult now that it is my decision. I almost wish it wasn't. If I end this, I know it will be difficult for a while emotionally. If I attempt to reconcile it will also be difficult. I'm sure I'll think about her with those other men at times and any attempts at controlling me would probably upset me.

The thing is I still don't know if I want to make it work or not--the logic in me says run, run far away and find someone else who hasn't betrayed me and been so cruel about it but the emotional side of me says I should give it a shot or I'll regret it. I guess I need a good nights sleep.

Thank you for responding Gnosis. You've helped me to calm down some and I'm asking myself those questions I need to ask myself again.