Wife wants best of both worlds

[GH31]

She views the ultimatum I gave her as a form of control and she is proabably right.

Was it really an ultimatum or you enforcing a boundary? You haven't exactly tried to physcially prevent her from seeing OM, have you?

How can I be around her when I know she is involved with another man?

If you can't, then you can't. I think it's best not to see her if she won't ditch OM. I came sooooo close so many times to smashing my wife's head with a brick whilst she was communicating with OM - if you're anything like me, avoiding contact with her for now would be for the best.

I want to continue family time for the sake of the kids but being around her is just to painful.

Don't do this, please. It's dishonest and sets a poor example - i.e. that you can be treated like a piece of crap by other people and not only do you put up with it, you invite more of it. This is the example you will be setting.

She also wants to continue to have family time.

Don't give it to her. She wants the best of both worlds, it's up to you whether she actually has it or not. Let this cockroach OM meet all the needs that you're meeting with family time. The fantasy bubble will surely pop before too long.

I asked why she wants me around during those times and she stated it was "nicer" having me there.

Translation: because you, dwinter82, meet my needs that OM does not. That way, I can bask in the luxury of having my cake and eating it too.