Nut is right. You need a professional on your wide to help you through this situation. There are so many people here that want to help you, but you've got to make the step to first help yourself. You're right, your kids are a good reason to not give up. They deserve to have you around, and to have you showing them how to fight back from adversity. They are watching, and they need you.
I don't remember reading about whether you have consulted your family doc about meds, but they could definitely help slow down the obsessive thoughts that torment you.
