H suddenly moved out 10 days ago...I'm devastated

[flowmom]

Thanks for sharing what worked for you and reading through this long thread newmama! I am trying to go out when H is here, but a lot of the time we are putting the kids to bed together (which is a routine that is very reassuring to them). During the day H usually takes them out, but when he is home I often have to be home to work in my home office or do cooking/housework that I can't do while caring for the children (this has always been an issue due to S's high needs). I keep out of their way as much as possible.

This is how it all starts, folks...

I have to respectfully disagree with that. I am in control of my actions. Listening to jazz and having one or two drinks with someone who I regard as a friend would not start an affair unless we both wanted it to...and that's not what I want.

I'm having trouble putting into words why I want to connect with a male friend. Over the last few years I have become over-identified with the female domain and I've felt more and more distant from men as people. I want to remember why I used to appreciate men, not on a sexual/flirtation/validation level, but on a human level. I'm making plans to do fun things with female friends as well, but sharing a platonic experience with a male friend would be a 180 for me...a healthy one, IMO.

My plan to listen to jazz with an old male friend is not something that would have bothered my H or violated any marriage agreements in the past.