Young Couple, WAW, Kids, Individual Problems

[MarkG]

My depression has been mild most of the time. It's mostly career related. I work front desk at a hotel, have done that for about 4 years now, and before that it's been restaurant jobs. I'm not trying to put anyone down who works those type of jobs, but I'm 28 years old, it's time for a career. I'm very skilled with computers, have had my own computer business for 6 years now, but have not been able to make a living on it. I support my family off $15k per year, and my W makes less than I do working retail. I was supposed to graduate with an AAS in automation systems (computer programming + electronics) last May but due to our daughter's hospitalization I got so far behind in school work I couldn't catch up. I am back in school this semester and should graduate in May, allowing me to work a job I like and make enough money to support my family. I may have focused too much on the money situation, it's really more about the type of work. I consider computer programming fun, and even a hobby, and since many people who do nothing but complain about it get paid for it I'd like to as well. I don't need a paper to tell me I know how to do it, but apparently the people who write the checks for it do. End rant about jobs/money....

Back to the focus, managing W's and my mental problems - while mildly depressed I had no trouble dealing with her mood swings, despite the fact that she was untreated for them. She is now on meds and in IC. I have no idea how they are working for her because I don't talk to her. What pisses me off is we have been offered free MC through social services, and it feels like the clock is ticking away and we'll miss our chance. Like I said before, my depression was mild most of the time, but then worsened through my daughter's hospitalization, losing my job, dropping out of school, and the kids being removed from our home by social services. I've started to work on improving those situations, and the depression is now becoming more manageable without treatment. I made the decision 2 weeks ago to call my family doctor to try to get on meds but hadn't had the time. Last week I got time towards the end of the week, but had so much good news I decided to wait a bit. I had been charged with a DUI in October under some circumstances that I didn't feel fit the crime. Last week I found out the state's attorney decided to drop the charges completely. I was also elected president of my school's technology club. Now that I have something so negative removed from my life, and something so positive added, I feel so much better about myself. 3 days ago I did start taking St John's wort to see if that would help, I couldn't tell you if it's working or not. I haven't seen much of the signs of depression since taking it, but I'm not sure how much has to do with it or the fact that it coincides with all the good news. On top of all this I decided to GAL, and that's added to the success in managing depression as well. I am getting a little restless, would like to hear SOMETHING from her, but so far I'm holding on pretty well. Maybe someone can shed some light on this, but here's a list of all contact in roughly the last month:

Dec 17th: series of emails, me being needy, W saying she "hates the fact that she still loves me" (new addition to ILYBINILWY), in love with OM, when she left OM she felt empty even when drinking, when she left me drinking masked the pain, doesn't know what to do anymore - I responded with "logic" which has always gotten me in trouble. I pointed out how she masked her pain by going to another R, and was alone after him, and had she come back she may have not felt so empty.

Dec 19th: text message argument about my OW (double standard on what we're allowed, then she takes it back and says it's just cuz I didn't tell her, which is another double standard)

Jan 1st: short call, short text conversation, agree to talk later (same later that started in November)

Jan 7th: she calls me & keeps it short, then texts me, we talk legal matters (kids/social services)

Jan 9th: since my attorney is pretty good and hers sucks I share info from my attorney (mine sends copies of court reports before court, hers doesn't send them at all, this court report is basically social services saying she's sliding, also bashes OM publically - damage she caused not me) I also try reverse psychology saying I'm not good enough otherwise she'd be here, she counters, I decide that was dumb of me to say and drop it, we talk more about what social services is going to expect & I try to get her to meet so I can explain more in person, then decide not to because conversation will turn against OM making me the bad guy again.

Jan 12th: series of texts
W: What is up?
W: Cant talk to me now
W: Cant talk to me now
W: Cant talk to me now
Me: Sorry I fell asleep at 7 & just woke up (around 1am)
W: I can't talk now ttyl
W: Don't respond back plz

Jan 14th: the video store argument - read above posts
Jan 16th: the email setting boundaries - read above posts

The only phone call in my call log is Jan 16th incoming, right after the email, I'm still hoping that email was the right thing to do. I keep thinking that 8 days is a long time, but then again she can't avoid me forever, so we'll see how it goes.