The adventure chronicles

[Gnosis]

So,the wife called this morning and says in a nutshell that she wants to come home and will be totally committed to me and us and wants to know what I want. A fair question I guess. I responded, I want a woman who's not going to cheat on me and love me for me.

That is a fair response. I hope you realize that it was a slap in the face for her.

You could tell her the truth... i.e. you are not sure of what you want at the moment and you need some time to think things through. Tell her that you need some space to reflect and digest... because you really do.

Take the time to WRITE out everything you want and don't want. Put it down on paper because it helps you reach a rational decision. This is a CRITICAL turning point right here.

She said, I don't think you're going to be able to get past the hurt I've caused

Both of you don't know the real answer to this question at this point in time. She is mind-reading and you're in an emotional state. You could tell her, "W, you have no idea of what I am and am not capable of dealing with. Please do not try to read my mind because you have no idea of what is going on inside it. I need some time and space so that I can give you an HONEST answer."

so do you just want to go ahead and get divorced? She said that she would try to get the house refinanced in her name if I would move out with my daughter and that she has applied for a job in the local area. She said that she's tired of begging to come home and that she knows that it will be difficult for me to trust her she's tired of living in flux and just wants to get on with her life.

She is telling you that she has accepted the consequences of her actions. Yes, she may be trying to control you, but I don't think so. It sounds as if she has reached the end of her rope and is in pain. I believe her words here, and I also believe that she honestly wants to come back. (This is based on what you have written. Only you can tell the truth through her voice tonality over the phone)

Sounds like she's ready to move on one way or the other.

No, it sounds like a desperate woman trying whatever she can to pick up the pieces of the life she destroyed.

She opened up to you with the truth of how many she's been with and the last time it happened. She didn't have to do that -- and IMHO if she wasn't serious about reconciling she wouldn't have.

You owe it to yourself to take a time-out and evaluate yourself.
(The only thing in her confession that has changed is that the number of partners has increased to six... and, please, I'm NOT downplaying that.)

You need to come down with an honest answer to:

- Can you forgive her?
- Can you see yourself living a life with her (once she makes the changes required)

If your answer is "yes" to those two questions, then be prepared for the long haul. Tell her you are willing to reconcile. Maintain the dating -- and put in the boundary -- EXCLUSIVE dating. You will need to communicate with her that healing from both sides will take time and not to expect to move back home immediately. You can tell her that you appreciate her honesty and can see that she has taken the right steps towards coming home. She still has a few more things to complete, but you're open to it.

All of the above are DIFFICULT decisions to make and this is why I advocate you take the time to do the soul-searching. As for me, I will respect your decision whichever way you choose to proceed.

Just my 2c.