Journaling… Well I have noticed that when you are working that you can’t wait until the weekend. But when you are unemployed you Hate the weekend and can’t wait for the week to start so you can start looking for work again. I have some leads going on right now one is a part time job with the city. It is only part time now but I am hoping when the economy picks up it could turn full time. The other is with a start up solar company. I just enquired about their business and they wanted me to send them a resume... W is not working yet but she too has some leads that may pan out. She was let down on her first interview she had last week but that was the first one she went on in over a year. Since then she has been studying and really preparing for her next. My 1990 Ford truck passed Calif. Smog check to that is good I don’t need to take it in now for another 2 years. I was really worried because the check engine light comes on when it has ran for awhile and if it came on during the test it would fail but it didn’t. BTW several weeks ago I did take the truck in to find out why and they would not check it out because it was too old for their equipment. Some other weird stuff… the drive light indicator on wife’s van burnt out. (Also the clock light) this happened several months ago. I looked into getting it fixed but I would have to take the whole dash board off just to change the bulb so we just let it go. Friday both lights started working again… Another thing was that there was this crack in the wall of wife’s “Office”. I fixed it once before but it came back... Yesterday wife asked me when I fixed it AGAIN I said I didn’t. She said it was gone... I looked and sure enough no crack... So it looks like 2010 is starting off great. I have been having allot of up and down days. Not only with my Marriage but also with the money sitch. I sometimes think how the money sitch would be so much easier if my marriage was ok. But unfortunately I can’t see how the marriage can improve right now until the money does. I am really seeing the new wife. It is hard for me to imagine she would do what she did. I really do not think if the sitch arose now she would do it. I think part of OUR problem is she has not forgiven herself and I have not let go. It seems like they are going hand in hand. Wife got lost in the fog when she lost her job three years ago. I lost direction when the bomb dropped. I really think that when we start working again so will our marriage. I know that it will be a strong marriage with all that we have been through and we are still together. Either one of us could have given up and just ended it. But we didn’t I have kind of had a falling out with my sister and mother..My sister is so controlling and I try to just get along. But there is only so much you can do and I kind of had it out with her the other day. It might not just be her though. I find myself sometimes just sitting there and watching T.V and something sad happens and I am on the edge of breaking down in tears. I have a feeling that I am repressing some emotion and am afraid when I at least expect it I might have a breakdown. The good thing is that I am aware
Well got to go put some more wood on the fire.. Take care everyone
Dr Love
And if I claim to be a wise man, well It surely means that I don't know
