I'm sorry to read that your wife was terminated yesterday. I think it's good that she's on her bike releasing some of her pent up frustration. Step back, grab a seat and be sure you have plenty of popcorn. Her drama may start to "rev" up.
BTW, how is your father doing?
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
He is improving slightly. He goes to another neurologist on Thursday and we are hoping she will diagnose him with parkinson's disease so he get get some meds. Right now he is wheel chair bound because his brain is not connected to the lower half of his body, however he is making some small progress with PT.
Also my bipolar mother who lives in FL is off of her meds and you talk about pulling up a chair and watching a show. OMG. Luckily I don't have to be in her direct line of fire. I am kind of used to it at this point.
Actually if you get a chance and can go back a few pages in this thread I would like your opinion on whether I should be going to MC with my W. At this point I have committed to it but I really think it is a little premature. Thanks in advance.
I had read that your wife wanted to go to the MC. Since you've already comitted to go, I would do so. It's sending the signal that you are willing to support her in this. The first time, I would go w/her and if during the meeting you want to get up and allow some privacy for her and the MC, then do so.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Have had a very interesting day so far. W got up and went out to take D23 her pocketbook which she left at home. I asked if she wanted me to come but she didn't want to wait for me so she left. When she came home I said I was going out to do some shoppWing. Did she want to come. SHE SAID YES! While WE were shopping I mentioned that I was going to visit my father this afternoon, watch the football game with him and cook him dinner. Did she want to come? YES! maybe it was really yes. So we bought some more food to take down to his house to cook. Will leave in a half hour. We actually have been talking and kind of connecting. ????. Be back later
OP, By asking her along, you have given her the option of saying yes or no. You've left the door open and she's not feeling any pressure. You are doing a great job! Keep your expectations at zero!
You are doing a great job!
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
I had a tremendous day on Sunday except for the Jets losing. After shopping with the W, we went to my fathers house with all the dinner fixings, she made dinner and my father and I watched the game. His W, got a three hour break and she left the house to go out shopping and running errands. We had just sat down to dinner when father's W returned, and she ate dinner with us.
My W was really good almost the whole day. Slowly she is coming out of her tunnel. I am amazed. We drove back and talked about her relatives and things that happened 25 years ago right after we got married. It was all good. I pray this is not a touch and go. I am trying to keep my expectations low, certainly with my interactions with her my expectations are low. Inside of me though I am pretty excited by these small steps. She is clearly still depressed and she, read a book while she wasn't cooking and we watched the game. But she never liked sports or me watching football, so I am not surprised.
OP-I am so glad you had a nice day yesterday. I know you say you are going to keep your expectations low but really you can have to have no expectations. I hope your W continues to progress...just prepare yourself in case she doesn't. For me, that is so hard because I can tell myself not to have any expectations but regardless, they are still there. Hopefully you are better at that then I am.
I am so glad you were able to spend time with your W and she peeked out. I agree with Upside about trying to keep those expectations at zero. Frankly, I think it is harder when they start to make appearances like that. I see so much more of my old H peeking through now that it is hard not to keep those expectations where they belong. He seems more like himself, so he should do the the things he did before (so it seems). BUT he is not yet there and still has one foot firmly planted in MLC land so I have to keep remembering that and just let him be. No pressure, no expectations. I can't say my expectations are totally at zero, but I try to keep them as low as I can.
I hope things progress for you. In the meantime, try to keep your focus off of your W.:)
Glad you had a great time. Right now, your W is not having one due to the job thing and her internal struggle she has been in a while.
She really went outside her comfort zone to do the visit and meal when like you said, she doesn't do sports. I hope she has been told the important things, like her efforts were appreciated even more in light of her stress. Was she properly thanked and appreciated by everyone there? Have you mentioned taking her out, making a meal, or gifting her some time out for massage etc? She should know she is appreciated. Not to save a M, but because she is.
As for Tuesday, don't make it as much about MC - but about people needing help with individual issues at the same time. What can you both do to address individual things that have stessed the M and each other.
Maybe she is MLC. Let me say that if she is, and is going to MC that you are not dealing with one of the most severe cases. She seems to still have one foot on this earth. Her depression is real. Finding the roots and working out ways to manage the effects could lighten her load a lot, and destress things.
I don't think D is the solution. I think if she believed it was - you'd have been served. If she didn't convince the first conselor that was her true desire, it must not be. Sure, she stopped and tried someone out of state on the phone. She is lost. She is desperate. She wants someone to fix her symptoms. But does anyone truely understand her root causes? She probably doesn't, and how frustrating for her. Frustrating for you.
Remember, your deciding she is MLC is not a diagnosis. MLC is usually the blooming of a seed(s) that is many years old. It may be triggered by recent life events or an awakening. But the seeds are old and the roots run deep. She can't solve these things over night or suppress them away. She needs time, and sometimes space. But she also needs support in her efforts - if she is really ready and willing to do some work.
She won't if she thinks all fingers are pointing at her, or discounting her concerns about her life. The whole mission is to avoid letting the M become the blame when this goes deeper. Fix the deep issues together and the M will be the winner.
