Just want my H back

[25yearsmlc]

You asked me to post to you but honestly I have to read your sitch and past posts so it'll take some TIME...but I'll do it this week. At least I can see you are getting advice and feedback here!

Take care of yourself, and regardless of what happens, it's iimportant and empowering to know you'll be alright no matter what. Can you envision life without him AND yet being happy? Then ponder that in detail....the more you visualize it, the safer you'll feel and less fearful and less desparate. I am not saying give up (must read your thread first anyhow) but am saying that reminding yourself of just how happy you HAVE been in the past can help. And how to do it again.

I think at some point, perhaps after he dates enough he'll be very curious about you. (I know that hurts but oh well. I have two family members who divorced their spouses, only to remarry 5 years later) He already said you'll be better for your next R, which is actually a great insight on his part. Why? B/c at some point, he'll know he could have had a great woman with all the qualities he values, and he won't likely find that elsewhere. (If he does, then so be it. But it's not likely).

But he dumped her/you and would not forgive her or give her a 2nd chance. So your job is to make sure you keep the road home paved and smooth, without making it seem as if you are waiting and waiting. You have to act as if you are moving on even if you are not. Yet you have to show you are open and upbeat and fun to be with, NO BAGGAGE from the past and that must be let go. No way can ANY m work if the past keeps popping up b/c you will NEVER EVER agree on what happened. What matters is going forward. Having the same vision for the future, not the past.

So, you'll have CHANGED so that, when he has a chance to listen to his inner voice, he'll hear himself say "why stay away now? She's who you wanted all this time!..." but he needs to discover this. You cannot do it for him, or tell him. Your "voice" will drown out his.

One line that's important to stick to is "If I could do things over again, I'd do some things very differently. But I've changed those things now and I'm glad."....Then be "resigned" to accepting his choices, accepting them with some regret BUT being upbeat about your future with or without him. You want him to wonder what's so great about not being with him. You must remind him, with action NOT pursuit, attitudes & behaviors, that you are a great catch. How? By becoming a woman only a fool would leave.

More later...good luck,
J-