The councelor asked when was the last time we felt like having contact with each other.....He said no. He doesnt want to. He said he feels like I am "fire" and will burn him. He said even when I am calm, he thinks I am ready to blow up, with no warning. Which is completely unfair and wrong. Even when I am upset, physical touch is my LL, it soothes me.I told him that, I told him if he was brave enough to risk, he would be pleasantly surprised... At one point he was explaining vividly how difficult it is for him to handle me when I am mad, upset and/or sad. He went on and on saying he couldnt, he didnt want to, he wasnt able to "deal with all that emotion".
Hey mate, wow. Well, you may feel that this is unfair and wrong, but I assume he was being honest with the MC? So this IS how he HE feels and he sees it, right?? What can you do to reassure him that you have either a) changed or b) that he is wrong about your anger and that you won't blow up at him?? I know you posted here alot before, during the S that he hated you getting angry. I guess some people just cant handle anger, even if it is a perfectly normal human reaction (me being one of them, because my parents had a fiery R and I didnt want to recreate that model). Is he just particularly sensitive ??!
The thing about lack of time versus working too much was intereesting. So he saw what his Dad did, and thought that was correct (and as his Mum was presumbaly ok with it too)? But yes, as long as he understands he is making a choice here.. like the C said, thats not what you want or need, so he is choosing to NOT pay attention to that. I guess after everything that has happened (and you did wait for him, deep down).. he doesnt really expect you to leave, like, he can carry on regardless, working 16 hours a day and there wont really be any consequences??
So what can you do to make him see that its no longer acceptable? One for next weeks session maybe! When she suggested going on the business trips, it sounded like you jumped in with "well I am not welcome".. did you? Or did you look to him to respond first saying what he felt of that idea? Maybe let him answer that one next time, or maybe he just didnt!
Quote:
She said, "you obviously love each other VERY much, there is no doubt in my head about it even if you Maria deny it and dont feel it. You can do this, lets work on taking down the defenses and finding a way for H to start doing things that would meet your needs". She said the trick is to start meeting each other's needs and how we do it or when doesnt really matter. Once that starts we will feel love coming back to us.
Smart lady!!!
xxx
Me:40! H:37 Together: 12yrs IDLY & left 11/07 ADs 03/08 OW 8/08 Reconciled 05/09 now married! my thread
