Sasha, I have to point out a couple of things for you that may help.
1. You MUST CHANGE ALL YOUR CONTACT INFO that the OM has. 2. You MUST GIVE THE NEW CONTACT INFO to your H... and TELL HIM you want to be SAFE and don't want ANYTHING TO DO WITH OM. 3. Don't DRINK at all... if your OM calls when you have been drinking you are vulnerable.
When you keep your old phone number, email address, etc you are sending two messages : one to OM, and one to your H
Message to OM : I want you to have my number/e-mail still. I want you to be able to contact me.
Message to H : My affair isn't over... I am playing both sides of the fence still.
Is THAT the message you want your H to hear? Or the OM? That's what MEN in their situations hear.
Change your phone number, change your email, change your darn gym and ANYTHING ELSE that associates you with the OM.
Your AFFAIR (stop calling it a relationship, its an affair and they are very different animals) is NOT over until you END CONTACT BOTH WAYS. Once HE stops contacting YOU THEN its over.
If he CAN'T contact you, then it is over. He CAN, so its not over... at least from your H's perspective if not to the OM's.
I have BEEN where your H is and I can tell you flat out this is a HUGE RED LIGHT that will come back to bite you in the butt...
END CONTACT means CHANGE CONTACT INFO... it doesn't just mean YOU stop calling him, it means YOU put up a WALL to keep him OUT.
Just because your husband doesn't say it, he KNOWS your number hasn't changed right? He knows your email is the same right?
Believe me he's doing the math. It's not calculus and he will eventually be turned off that you haven't fully shut the OM OUT.
A letter is a START, but you need to remove any chance of him contacting you. MOVE if he knows where you live...
The MORE effort you go into Keeping the OM OUT, the more your H will be convinced you love him.
I am dealing with this in my home now... my wife wont' change her phone number or email or anything... But she tells me its over... and my wife caught her OM cheating on her! She STILL wants to keep her phone number!
What message do you think that sends to the betrayed spouse when lines of contact aren't secured after the affair is discovered?
It's not over until YOU lock him out... And you haven't.. you keept he door OPEN to him and just ask him to stay away.. LOCK HIM OUT.
Change your lifestyle, change your clothes (more conservative), stop drinking any alcohol for the time being, do healthy and safe things for yourself and make sure your H knows it... But be subtle about showing him.
Sorry to be so forceful in writing here... I don't know how to write delicately about matters so close to home. :|
