Diagnosed with adult ADHD, attended counseling on his own and eventually the 2 of us together.
You or him? If it is him, I can relate...having attention problems means that many things that need attention, including sex, can be missing something unintentionally while still making him/you happy or satisfied (otherwise known as unaware...or oblivious!)
Originally Posted By: trytryagain
Things got back to good and I learned to heal the hurt he'd caused. Time passed, I pursued him, seeking assurance of his love, he withdrew. This is a recurring thing with us. In November 09, I told him I felt we were on different pages - we'd been talking about a home and starting a family (we have no children), and he changed his mind, which scared me so I began seeking assurance.
I read a book by Patricia Love ("How to Improve Your Marriage Without Talking About It"). If he is the ADHD person, you might be feeling insecure by accident and he might not be able to see why. I don't blame him for not wanting kids with a rocky M. Would you want to be pregnant while he/you come to deal with ADHD, possibly meds, and more?
Originally Posted By: trytryagain
He has not moved out yet but plans to look at apartments this weekend. He also just got a new job an hour away that he starts a week from Monday.
Maybe you could let him know you want to move with him if he wants you too. The worst thing my W did was making me feel that the damage was done and that she didn't see hope in the M. After that, separation became easy.
Originally Posted By: trytryagain
I have read, researched, made changes, kept my calm, said all the right things, talked to a coach, prayed and prayed and prayed again...and I still feel so hopeless.
In another book, I was reminded to pray, but not to blame God for our personal mistakes. You mentioned being critical. Try being supportive. He doesn't want kids yet, let him know you'll wait one/two/three years before rediscussing it. If he is the one with ADHD, he needs a wife that can help him become better by filling in the gaps in his life where he struggles, not by telling him to be better (if you do this.
I know you feel you said all the right things and you may have. But isn't how we react/respond/interpret part of communication?
Originally Posted By: trytryagain
No lying, no sneaking around. No lack of intimacy, no weeks without speaking, no days without doing things together. He is my best friend and I don't know how to keep up with hoping that my DB steps are going to work when he keeps saying he's done.
Let him know what you are sure of. It is hard to make a decision, D can almost be running away from a decision making it an easy choice. Maybe there is something else bothering him but he's afraid to say it.
I hope I don't sound too much like I'm defending him - you seem very hurt and have the right to be feeling that way. I know what my W did/has been doing that didn't help and I want to encourage you to re-evaluate what messages you might be sending today.
