Hate to say this but I think the Doc checked out. The CIA was checking him out and he couldn't keep posting here.
Fear of loss except it was turned around on him, and he still didn't understand that this was something he should have tried to emulate to get his wife to turn around.
It worked on him.
She was the WAS, she had an affair, she lost interest in him, she moved on with her life and for a period of time she kicked him out of the bedroom and dictated how the household would be run and what was going on in the relationship.
Now I'm not advocating having an affair (dating & social interaction, something different) but the rest was beginning to work.
However she had been in control for a period of time, we didn't expect her to relinquish that dominant role so easily and I said as much in one of my posts on his thread. She did respond to what he had started doing with us as far changing his actions and his attitude.
What turned it around? She pulled the "lawyer" card first and it scared him and he started spouting religion and that would be what turns his marriage around. I'm a catholic but I don't expect God to come down and give my wife a stern talking to and let her know that she needs to shape up and work on her marriage - everyone would be foolish to think this, God has given you the tools you just need to discover those abilities and do what you can with them.
For what it's worth, I wish Tri all the best. This isn't easy for him and it's easy to play armchair quarterback from our end on woulda/shoulda/coulda.
Here is one thing for sure and I'll say it a million times if I haven't already: You have to be willing to let go of the people that don't value you or the relationship they have with you. If you don't, you validate in their eyes that you are low value and that they were making the right decision when they started taking you for granted, hurting you, leaving you, cheating on you, etc. It is only when you let go of these people and move on with your life (detach, drop the rope, move on, GAL, etc.) that they realize what they HAD. You never know what you had until you don't have it and it's that point that a WAS will learn if their decision was the right one.
Fear of loss, crisis, these are things that motivate a person to action. Being super nice to and kissing the ass of a WAS that is in an affair (and everything that goes with that mindset) will usually repel the WAS even further.
I don't expect God to come down and give my wife a stern talking to and let her know that she needs to shape up and work on her marriage - everyone would be foolish to think this, God has given you the tools you just need to discover those abilities and do what you can with them.
Here is one thing for sure and I'll say it a million times if I haven't already: YOU HAVE TO BE WILLING TO LET GO OF THE PEOPLE THAT DON'T VALUE YOU or the relationship they have with you. If you don't, you validate in their eyes that you are low value and that they were making the right decision when they started taking you for granted, hurting you, leaving you, cheating on you, etc. It is only when you let go of these people and move on with your life (detach, drop the rope, move on, GAL, etc.) that they realize what they HAD. You never know what you had until you don't have it and it's that point that a WAS will learn if their decision was the right one.
Fear of loss, crisis, these are things that motivate a person to action. Being super nice to and kissing the ass of a WAS that is in an affair (and everything that goes with that mindset) will usually repel the WAS even further.
Damn straight! All if it!
"Always go straight forward, and if you meet the devil, cut him in two and go between the pieces." - William Sturgis, clipper ship captain, 1830's.
