Thanks. You're right - I want to know why I feel this way so I can change what I want to make it 100% my wife.
I was told to make a list of things I like/hate and rate them. Well, I realized 'anal' is in analytical but it sure made me feel better to see that if I had left the numbers backed me up! I hope you can show 27 new sides of you that make your H think twice. My wife managed to show me about 3 major aspects of her I hadn't seen before related to bedroom stuff and education. This helped cut down my list and bring me back to my M for another full hearted try.
I put in more to our marriage and I also had begun to get past looking at the out of M world - despite four really rough days. I had seen her getting more upset, so I thought some physical attention would help yesterday morning. She seemed happy and connected. So I went to work to catch up. My sister came to visit and I could feel a bit of tension as I made a few comments she took personally. Night came, we went to bed and she began talking kinda mean - to which I said we can talk about tomorrow after b'fast but that I wasn't able to talk about it at that time because I was tired and she was clearly overloaded by emotion. I felt the fight coming, like someone feels a storm approach.
After a bit of angry responses from her, she left only to return angier than before and clearly she had misunderstood a few things I had said earlier. She went on to say that she needs a change, her goals aren't met yet, she wants to go for 6 mo and then return to the M, that she wanted to call the DMediator, that I couldn't be happy with her so there's no hope, and much, much more.
I left the bed and said that I had been completed flooded and I can't talk. I also told her that a few days ago I was ready to give my M more, and now I feel I may have made a mistake. I went downstairs to sleep. She came down 10 min later to apologize and ask me to come upstairs. I said I couldn't and went to sleep. I slept well...
That has been my biggest reason to consider D - she blows up and says things that can't be taken back just by an apology. I feel that I need to see she means it, because she has always been able to say what others want to hear without (fully) believing it.
