I had this fantasy of going to an intimate jazz bar with a male friend, someone who would make me feel good. I haven't done things like that for over 6 years. Then I was shocked to realize that every man I know is both a husband and father. Then I remembered a male friend who I had some "interludes" with 20 years ago who I haven't seen much of since becoming a wife and mother. I thought I'd reach out to him on facebook. He seemed happy to hear from me and suggested that we get together for coffee, drinks, or lunch. He even suggested going to the exact jazz bar that I had in mind in my fantasy! I decided it was meant to be and said yes. He is a husband (I assume) and a father, so I wouldn't be looking to flirt or anything. I just want to be with someone who doesn't see me in my current somewhat pathetic context. I want to go on a pseudo-"date" with no risk of it going anywhere.
The hardest part for me coming back to give my M another chance was that I began imagining myself remarried to someone else who would probably have baggage, but was part of Canadian culture (I met my W overseas). If you or your H begins that, who knows what would happen. Why not see if he wants to let you on his Facebook, instead? Maybe he won't reply at all, or won't reply for a long time, or even say no (and you know why...). Or just ignore Facebook...but don't worry about it if you can - live in the 'today'.
Kettricken's comment about the bomb - I have to agree. Imagine if he knew you went with a friend to a club. Wouldn't that make him ashamed if he had been holding back? ('Why should I hold back if she doesn't'). If he hasn't already let loose, maybe this will push him.
As a Muslim, my marriage advice might be a bit different - we believe that D is 'the most disliked of all things that is allowed by God' - do it if you can't work it out but try. One religious peice of advice I got was that I'm married now, so I shouldn't be looking at other women unless the D is done.
IF you want yoru H to come home, he may never. Still, if you do want that, be inviting and make it clear while giving him space. Don't we all run over the past too much - if I had just done that..., I can't help but think (I'm probably wrong, though) that you might be wondering how a different H could have made you feel had you married a different person.
Maybe your H might want to go to the Jazz bar you thought of or somewhere similar? If not, you could go by yourself at least having invited. Rejection hurts, but moving away from a door untried can lead to regret.
