A Choice

[patpat]

When I started out, I never would have thought that I would feel the way I feel right at this moment. And you are right. I am in a spot that I have not thought that I would be in.

I do not like it. I guess I could 180 my 180's...

As for power; it was never really about that for me. More about what was and is right.

...is that feeling good to you?

NO... it does not. It is tearing me apart.

It would be easier if someone put a bullet thru my head.

I still Love my W more than life itself. All I ever wanted for her was her happiness. I (during what I thought to be a good marriage) worked my arse off for her (and myself) to provide the things neither of us had growing up. I was in a fog of sorts.

I want my W to be happy. She has damaged me. I can not longer be that person for her. What started off as wrong, followed by pain... turned into a game... forcing a harsh reality or awakening...

Neither of us is in a good spot right now. I hate doing this too my W. It actually makes me sick to my stomach. I hate to see her unhappy...

After all, she is all I have ever known.

Today... I wake up. The world is a different place. There is much to see. I must get busy... I do not want to miss anything.

W may be in my future somewhere... but this future would have to be far from home...

Thanks FM... Good luck with your own sitch! I'll check in on you soon.