I don't know if its the lack of sleep I get, the boredome, the lack of money, the lonliness or what but I woke up very down this morning. I am up early like I always am to work on my online course in hopes that I will someday finish this and start making some money. I still have a long way to go and sadly the only time I can work on it is getting up early and putting in a few hours before baby wakes up. My mom was asking me how much more I have left to go and I told her quite a bit. She got sorta pissy and said 'well you better hurry up. I can't help you much more than I am and things are changing soon." WTF am I supposed to do? I can only do it when baby is sleeping. Nobody in my family wants to help, but they sure complain!
I am really down this morning. I feel like I am spinning my wheels and doing this all alone. I hate it. I have no social life and things cost money. I don't have money for a sitter and my other kids are hardly around. I have a dentist appointment tomorrow and I have to take her as my free sitters are busy. I am also in one of those I hate being alone things. This whole situation is so unfair. I hate exh so much right now. I hate him for being such a horrible man and still is. I hate him for using me fromt he beginning and threw his family away like trash and now while I have gotten maybe 2 hours of sleep last night I am up in the middle of the night to work on this course while he is probably home fu**ing his MGF! I hate that he did this to me. I hate that I am going to have to fight to keep baby safe and its going to be challenging and stressful and may not work.
I don't mean to rant this morning. I just woke up overwhelmed and exhausted today.
Me: 46 FWS: 36 Married and Divorced 4/07, Pregnant 7/07,False R 7/07 Baby Girl born 3/08 Kicked him out because OW: 7/08 5/10 He realized what he had and lost. Moved home! REMARRIED 3/14/11!!
