I have been feeling "down" a lot this week. What H did was hurtful or does he really not understand why we are apart? I hear from him that he feels blamed, he feels that I have problems, and that we have nothing in common. I guess that is why he married me in the first place? Right?
I remember at the beginning how he felt that I was the first person to put his anxiety down. How my spirituality seemed genuine in the way I lived my life and viewed others. How we came from similar histories, overcame the past, and I understood his choices. We both enjoy spending lots of time together just talking and cuddling.
For me, I felt appreciated, loved and wanted. We had good conversation at times - like me he had varied interests in music,reading, and activities.
But somehow we are at this point now just a few short years later. Alone, apart, and can't talk anymore. I know his problem that I didn't know about in the beginning is the cause but he is working on it. Somehow he can't do that work on us.
I am working on myself and letting go of the situation b/c I don't have any control over what he does - only what I do. This is hard to do. I was alone for many years and it was nice to think that was behind me, now I am living this way again and I really don't like it.
