I'll be completely honest with you. The thing about "I'm not working on it" and "I'm not DBing anymore" was a perfect justification for not putting in the discipline, and going and getting my emotional band-aids from her.
I still have work to do in being on my own. Regardless of DBing or not. Seriously - a day goes by and I haven't talked to her - is that a big accomplishment at this point in the game? No, it's not.
I've been OK in the GAL department - going out to dinner with friends, doing stuff with my boys, talking to old friends on the phone, putting focus on work, etc. So yeah, I can keep that up. The damn ache doesn't go away, but at this point for me it's a matter of discipline - acknowledging it but not wallowing in it. The difference these days is knowing that, just because it's there, doesn't mean I have to DO something about it - go fix it somehow, or let it dominate. Well, time has certainly helped too. But, for example, tonight I enjoyed a random conversation at the birthday party I took my kids to, vs. feeling like I was making myself do it. Things are becoming normal-ish.
Yeah, you guys are right, more distance and detachment. For one thing, will just lead to cooler heads. Yeah, I miss her a lot. And I also miss my identity as husband, and the routine, and the future I had in mind, and the perfect life for my kids, etc. But the truth is those things are all in a bubble that's pinched off from my currently available reality. I don't really feel sorry for myself anymore. I think mostly I need to continue to develop new habits. Not let my actions be motivated by some mirage of hope, or need for a momentary boost. What will happen will happen. So my job is to take it day by day and proceed in a healthy way.
OK I'm completely rambling now. Thanks for the inputs guys.
