I think the time is come!!!! No R talk. I'm going to tell her to leave asap. A little script advice would help. Seems like a 2x4 made contact. Suppose she say's she can't move anywhere until she finds something or has means. What else can she possibly say in retort? Do i engage or validate or simply say what i should? thanks friends
i re-read "love must be tough" by dobson till 2 am. Good stuff. I need some guidance...Should i tell w to leave, in other words go dark. I've been a pretty good plan A "mr. nice guy". But respect for self is utmost and only then can others (including wife) respect me. Or , do i set a boundary or boundaries . The wording is important . Please help friends. I'll check in later tonite.
re-reading my thread. But... I would appreciate any feedback regarding boundaries or asking her to leave. I don't think the nice guy is going anywhere. I KNOW I MUST garner respect by showing confidence and self-respect. I move at a snails pace and i'm very tired. I'm also facing a potential health issue which could make things worse. I've kept the possible health issue to myself.
Rob, boundaries are personal. They are things that your W does that violate your personal integrity or values. No one can list the boundaries that you should have in place for your wife.
This is the link to the Boundaries thread. Sandi gave your the basic format.
The important thing you need to know is that a boundary has consequences if it is crossed. I.e. You have to be prepared to enforce your boundary because it will be crossed many times. So the key is to choose consequences that you are willing to enforce.
You're finally aware that the "nice guy" approach is getting you nowhere. What I suggest is that you list out all her behavior that is not acceptable to you and create a boundary for each of them. The consequences could be the same for each boundary, but not recommended.
e.g. If she loses her temper you can refuse to talk to her.
I hope this helps. The board is quiet over the weekends, so perhaps you will get more answers during this week.
Also, while you're at it, why don't you write out a long post here showing what you have done, what you have learned and what you think you should be doing?
i'll write things down and do a post this eve. The Panic is that i feel stuck and paralyzed and fear my w will just leave as soon as her ducks are in order. Dobson book really added to this boards sentiments. I feel that i'm in a race to do something Before she does. Does this make sense to anyone?? I'm still being the nice guy till there's a plan in place. The OM is not physically in the picture but nonetheless.
