just want to know how he did it. The phone I recieved the call from had only one digit difference but he was on the phone with her when I got the 2nd call. But I know it was hime because the voices matched...Any ideas?
No I din't respond...Just listened and gathered information...he tried to tell her the reason I know what was said between them is because there is a program that enables you to listen to cell phone calls...sounds like backtracking to me...Can you tell me more about the prerecorded calls and how they work?
Sunday she is driving me to Boone where I have to stay the night so I can get my car Monday so I think I will have this talk with her Monday.
Good idea: captive audience, sitting side-by-side rather than facing each other confrontationaly. I don't how long a ride it is to Boone, but I would time my talk so I begin at such a point that I could wrap it up in Boone, finish your piece, say goodbye, and get out of the car. Leave her with something to ponder on the ride home with no opportunity to refute.
Originally Posted By: hopingforhope32
She is not going to like it but oh well.
That's right. Too damned bad.
Originally Posted By: hopingforhope32
I know she is going to throw that I do not consider us married anymore crap at me
Newsflash, honey, we are married
Originally Posted By: hopingforhope32
The other thing I know she will throw at me is I asked for time and you won't give it to me. I will tell her that I will give her all the time in the world as long as OM is out of the picture.
That's right. I'll give you time but not time to disrespect me.
Quack, quack.
Originally Posted By: hopingforhope32
Well I am her husband not her back up plan.
Great line. Use it!
Good luck.
Gardener
"My soul, be satisfied with flowers, With fruit, with weeds even; but gather them In the one garden you may call your own." Cyrano deBergerac
I don't know much about the pre-recorded phone calls, other than the fact that I received one once. I tried hanging up on it, and it just continued. I picked up the phone a few minutes later and it was still going on. Try contacting AT&T and ask how to do one.
All that stuff she was saying about "she didn't know what to believe", and all that about not ever thinking she'd leave her best friend....is the biggest load of cr@p. I have heard the same lines from WAW's over & over in so many threads. But this is "your" life.....not just another stitch, and that is why it hurts you so badly.
I think you did good standing up and letting her know that you were not going to take her having an A and that you aren't going to be bullied out of your own home! You might need a bit of polish when it comes to the boundary setting/consequenses, but since she announced that the M was over.....I guess that pretty well set the consequense, right?
It is hard for you, and the other men on the board will be able to talk to you from that POV b/c they have either been through what you are experiencing...or they are going through it right now. I can only speak to you from the female's POV and I got to tell you that what you did was the RIGHT thing to do. Let her threaten D and moving back to mommy & daddy's house. But listen, you need to think about how you will handle all of this. Don't lay down and allow her to make you out to be the bad guy when she is the one who is having an A. Her parents have the right to know the truth if they are going to let her live with them. Do you have a good R with them?
Why is she setting mid Feb if she plans to live with her parents? Have you thought about packing her bags and telling her you "take" her to her parents and there is no reason to wait until Feb? Don't do anything without talking to some of the board members, but I'm throwing some thoughts out here for you to consider.
Yes, she is angry right now and she may even act a bit self-righteous before she leaves, who knows, but keep your perspective and know you’ve made the right decision in standing up for respect. You also need to know that in many ways the battle has just begun unless you are very firm and have the self-confidence a man needs to have to handle himself when under a disrespectful ray of attacks. I hope I’m wrong, but I think you’ll see more of her worst side after she leaves you.
It’s important that you do not cave in and show her that you want her to stay and that you’re willing to do anything if she won’t leave. That would be the wrong thing to do. You laid the boundary…..and it was good. If she should try to discuss the MR with you before she begins packing (or you pack for her), that is when you need to tell her that you will not share her with another man and that you will not be disrespected in your own home. You tell her (in your own words, of course) that you believe the M and family are worth working to save, but it can’t be done as long as there is a third party involved. When she drops OM and refuses to make any contact with him whatsoever, and she is ready to prove that she is faithful…..and that she truly desires to work on your MR…..”then” you will be ready to discuss the R and not before. You are going to make a life for yourself and you’ll be just fine.
It sounds like a lot of wordy stuff, and you would need to say it in your own way, but that’s the general idea. You have to be ready to back up what you say by not contacting her or responding to her contacts. More about that later.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
Thanks Sandi...I will continue to stick to my guns. SHe is moving to her parents under the pretense of not being able to find work here which is true,,,but the nderlying factors are the more important ones...She said something funny last night. She told me OM is almost exactly like me. Do not know what to make of it. Yeah she does try to pick fights once in a while...I thinnk she does not know how to take me. SHe has told me I have to stop being so nice again. FOr all her walls she still can't help but show that she still loves me at times and usually this is when she gets the most hostile. She did say last night she is not sure if it is over. I told her we can't discuss that until OM is out of the picture. She did say some realistic things which may mean the fog is lifting a little, SHe stated that she doesn't know what she is thinking thinkiong she actually loves OM when she has never spent time with him or what she is thinking getting involved with someone three states away. I didn't say anything to her. I am nothing like OM. I would never break up a marriage and I would never call soemone the way he did.
I will continue to hold my boundaries and to do my 180s. Also I have had the chance to perform a few things out of the 5 love languages just trying to crate an atmosphere of love and forgiveness. She told me she does not understand how someone can be acting the way I am...that she does not deserve it. I think this is more WAW script though...any ideas?
