Need Help Fast Please..............

[Gardener]

ytjuy,

To this day she denies the A even though I have seen pictures, texts, e-mails, phone calls, cars parked at each others place, etc, etc... So she thinks that I am really clueless and that she just lost her love and that is that. I am convinced that in her mind she really believes that I think that and there is no reason for me to suspect this A.

Then tell her to stop disrespecting you even further by insulting your intelligence. Tell her you have more than ample proof but do not tell her what that proof is.

And by the way, have you considered just kicking her ass to the curb?

[Buffet]

G--yes actually today I told her that I was tired of waiting for her to sign the proposed parenting plan which is one of the main things holding up my moving out. So after talking with my L I told her it either gets signed and filed this week or the house is going up for sale next Monday.

My mom is a realtor and could have someone from her office list the house right away. When I told her this she really flipped out and I just told her that if she wants to keep playing games than the consequences will keep getting worse for her. She of course did make some more threats about abuse, custody, etc...Those really are starting to not bother/worry me as much anymore.

I am worried (and I know that I should not be) about the fact that she has told a few people that were mutual friends this last week or two and of course told them her version of the marital breakdown and they are supportive of her it seems. Again, I know that this should not concern me at all but it is only natural to not want people that you care/cared about to think that you are the problem or this horrible broken person....

[SpyBunny]

I was wondering- Did the pregnancy question get resolved this week?
Stay strong, ytjuy- you're doing well.

Bunny

[Gardener]

ytjuy,

Those really are starting to not bother/worry me as much anymore.

Good.

I am worried (and I know that I should not be) about the fact that she has told a few people that were mutual friends this last week or two and of course told them her version of the marital breakdown and they are supportive of her it seemsAssumption. Again, I know that this should not concern me at all but it is only natural to not want people that you care/cared about to think that you are the problem or this horrible broken person....

Perfectly natural. All decent people hold their character, reputation, good name in high regard. We should; we daily work hard on them. This should hurt, initially. But what true friend passes judgement after hearing only one side of a matter?

So, I would suggest since you have no control over this, a) Don't Make Assumptions*, b) Don't Take It Personally* and rob it of any power over you, because c) The truth always comes out eventually.

Keep going.

*two of The Four Agreements.

[Buffet]

Thanks guys, and SpyBunny---no the pregnancy question did not get answered although it is not looking good---she canceled plans with her friend b/c she was throwing up and "not sure why" so the good news there is that by my estimate she will have to know one way or another in about 2 weeks right:)!?

and thanks G, I am going out with my buddies for a few well desrved cocktails, and I guess from reading others threads I have never initiated myself to the boards here so drinks on me the rest of the weekend---whatya have? Bourbon/Coke w/a lime for me.....

[Gardener]

Have a good time.

[ShockedOne]

YT, good for you. Go GAL with buds. I will toast with ya with my high quality good dark beer, or a Capt. and Coke.
Shock

[Buffet]

Update:
I am just angry today. This weekend S2 and W disappear around 8 Sat. morning and don't come home until 12:30 no phone call, message, text, etc...I tried to call and text 1 time each just to know where my S is and also I had plans with little guy and me at 12:30. So they get home and S2 comes running to me and gives me a big hug and says "love u daddy!" Which is pretty dang awesome!

Anyways, I ask him if he had fun with mommy and he says "NO!" I ask him what is the matter, what did you guys do, and he responds "I see Brett" (which is OM kid) I look at W and she says get this---"he (S2) is lying!" He is TWO YEARS OLD he is not lying he does not know what lying is!!!

So I take him into the other room and set him up with a scooby doo cartoon and come back into the kitchen and told W that I am tired of her crap and games. I know what is going on and obviously she has choose to live her life a certain way but i'll be damned if she is going to start/continue to bring my son around this. She actually replies that "I cannot stop her"

So besides being pissed off now I have a question---can I stop her from seeing someone legally? Does anyone have any experience with this?

The rest of the weekend was the usual tenseness and ended by her following me around the house trying to get me to just leave and telling me over and over that she does not love me and that she just wants me to go away.......

Than she ends it with "If I(W) said I wanted to work on things would you still want to?" I told her to stop asking those questions b/c they are not fair and that I had tried for a year to get her to try again. So unless she is ready to put herself out there and re-commit to the M than those questions will get no response from me.

Predictably she got mad at that and than said well it doesn't matter b/c she is done and does not want to work on it anyway, and it is too late that I had my chance.

Sorry this is long but it is my escape back to normal. It is sad when my virtual community is more normal and stable than my "real life" days.......

[Gardener]

ytjuy,
You need to set a boundary of your children seeing OM and OM's kids immediately.
Can you stop her legally? You'd have to - you must - ask a lawyer.

"If I(W) said I wanted to work on things would you still want to?"

Wanting to work on the M is unconditional. She either states that she does or does not. Your (current) stance on the matter should be irrelevant, imo.

...is too late that I had my chance.

Ah, yes. The old fall-back "it's your fault;" line.

Sorry this is long but it is my escape back to normal. It is sad when my virtual community is more normal and stable than my "real life" days.......

For me, it is not sad; it has proven life-saving, sanity-saving, (if not marriage-saving) with true, selfless, generous - though unseen - friends.

[Buffet]

Lawyer says that it would be something that could be put in but in all reality very difficult/impossible to enforce. Lawyer says that usually a parent in an affair (a ecspecialy a female) would not want to hurt the kid and would realize how damaging that something like this would be!!#@#@!

So I will have to come up with another way--not sure what since appealing to reason and law does not work.

And you are correct G (as usual) at this point it does not matter. I read others posts on here and relate at least in feelings to the people on here with little ones and it just breaks me up inside that my Son will not grow up with me there all of the time. I have not gotten my head around that yet.

And the "it's my fault" routine has worn thin real quick. It worked about 6 months ago when I thought that I was the messed up one. Not now. I contributed to problems sure but W ended this b/c of her choices not mine