All that stuff she was saying about "she didn't know what to believe", and all that about not ever thinking she'd leave her best friend....is the biggest load of cr@p. I have heard the same lines from WAW's over & over in so many threads. But this is "your" life.....not just another stitch, and that is why it hurts you so badly.
I think you did good standing up and letting her know that you were not going to take her having an A and that you aren't going to be bullied out of your own home! You might need a bit of polish when it comes to the boundary setting/consequenses, but since she announced that the M was over.....I guess that pretty well set the consequense, right?
It is hard for you, and the other men on the board will be able to talk to you from that POV b/c they have either been through what you are experiencing...or they are going through it right now. I can only speak to you from the female's POV and I got to tell you that what you did was the RIGHT thing to do. Let her threaten D and moving back to mommy & daddy's house. But listen, you need to think about how you will handle all of this. Don't lay down and allow her to make you out to be the bad guy when she is the one who is having an A. Her parents have the right to know the truth if they are going to let her live with them. Do you have a good R with them?
Why is she setting mid Feb if she plans to live with her parents? Have you thought about packing her bags and telling her you "take" her to her parents and there is no reason to wait until Feb? Don't do anything without talking to some of the board members, but I'm throwing some thoughts out here for you to consider.
Yes, she is angry right now and she may even act a bit self-righteous before she leaves, who knows, but keep your perspective and know you’ve made the right decision in standing up for respect. You also need to know that in many ways the battle has just begun unless you are very firm and have the self-confidence a man needs to have to handle himself when under a disrespectful ray of attacks. I hope I’m wrong, but I think you’ll see more of her worst side after she leaves you.
It’s important that you do not cave in and show her that you want her to stay and that you’re willing to do anything if she won’t leave. That would be the wrong thing to do. You laid the boundary…..and it was good. If she should try to discuss the MR with you before she begins packing (or you pack for her), that is when you need to tell her that you will not share her with another man and that you will not be disrespected in your own home. You tell her (in your own words, of course) that you believe the M and family are worth working to save, but it can’t be done as long as there is a third party involved. When she drops OM and refuses to make any contact with him whatsoever, and she is ready to prove that she is faithful…..and that she truly desires to work on your MR…..”then” you will be ready to discuss the R and not before. You are going to make a life for yourself and you’ll be just fine.
It sounds like a lot of wordy stuff, and you would need to say it in your own way, but that’s the general idea. You have to be ready to back up what you say by not contacting her or responding to her contacts. More about that later.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
