Mixed Signals or is this Limbo Land

[dwinter82]

MSH, how are you doing? Ready to GAL like crazy this weekend?

[MHL]

Actually yes, if you were here, you, Kemper and myself would paint the town. I was invited to a Bday party for one of the guys in my poker group it will a mixed group of people single and couples and it will be at a local restaurant/bar that is pretty happening. I am looking forward to meeting new people and being in an environment where I can meet even more. Not looking to do anything but it will be fun. That is tomorrow night.

How about you, do you have the kids this weekend or are you going to do something yourself?

[mb28]

missherlove,
Hope you have fun at the bday party.

I just wanted to let you know that I closed my FB account. It was to hard to see my H posts everyday, it was driving me nuts. I'll let you know if I decide to reopen it.

[MHL]

mb28,
Understand the FB thing. I have thought about deleting my W as a friend but decided not to, she does not post on it anyhow so it does not bother me.

Update on things, I wanted to take the day off of work yesterday but could not b/c of crap going on at work so that put me in a pissy mood and I was starting to get a little pissed at my W so when I dropped my S9 with her last night, I was very short, in fact I was probably rude but if I had interacted with her at all, I might have ripped her head off. There is nothing she has done as of late to cause the negative emotions in me, all I had to do was sorta manifest them and boy it came on strong. I had a down moment at lunch yesterday and got mad at her for the moment I was experiencing. I kept it in the road though, she knew I was upset and said nothing about it.

This morning I was to pick my S9 back up at 10 and my W texted me to see if the regular place was okay and I responded why don't we meet at the local breakfast place b/c I have not eaten yet. She hadn't either and S9 was hungry also. So we met, me, my W, and S9 had brunch together, D13 slept in and would not go anyhow. I know, not exactly tough love on my part, but I felt like I went overboard last night.

It was enjoyable brunch and it felt like it did back at Christmas again but this time I would look at her and know that tonight she will be on a date or out or something and as long as I don't know, I don't care. I will be out myself tonight. There were some loving like glances between us but I made sure they were glances and nothing else. She did ask if I had a bad day at work yesterday and I said yes, she seemed relieved or even happy about this. I guess I need to be friendly w/o being friends, I don't know. The morning ended with a mutual hug that lasted a couple of seconds too long and then S9 join in and said "HUG IN !!!" Otherwise known as "group hug". My wife squeezed me pretty tight then.

I am not reading anything into this b/c I don't care, I have things to do today and plans tonight which should be "fun for ME", church in the morning, playoffs tomorrow and get ready for the upcoming week. I guess this is GAL and it does feel good, I can have that interaction with my W and not think about it later b/c I have too much else to do. I just need to do this all the time and not focus on her.... Best advice I've had all day!

Happy Saturday Everyone.

[dwinter82]

Well, I certainly cannot give you any flack for brunch. I have done this same type of thing on ocassion, and have even used the same logic that you did. This is a tough transition on everyone and going cold turkey is not a practical expectation.

I would not read to much into your W's actions, who knows what is going on in her head. However, maybe this is a small baby step in the right direction. If she gets more affectionate or initiates more conversation, then things are looking better. If her behaviour stays the same over the next couple of weeks relative today, then I would say it means something else. I would write this suff in a journal or something.

I think when your W has a change of heart, you will know it. Do you think your tough love appraoch is having some type of effect on your W, good or bad?

[MHL]

I definitely have been vacilating on the tough love thing (I need to order the book) and be her friend. You know I let her know I disapprove of her having relationships with men but I don't know what she is doing so what do I do? I certainly don't want to ask her and now I don't care really. So do I go back to being her friend or be friendly, whatever it is, I just don't know but I am tired of my life being "on hold".

I think when your W has a change of heart, you will know it. Do you think your tough love appraoch is having some type of effect on your W, good or bad?

I think the cold, cold shoulder last night prompted a response but if I continue would it get the results I want??? The loving like glances this morning and the hug may have been nothing but I will make a note and watch but I am determined not to initiate contact at all. This morning just happened IMO.

Well, I certainly cannot give you any flack for brunch. I have done this same type of thing on ocassion, and have even used the same logic that you did. This is a tough transition on everyone and going cold turkey is not a practical expectation.

Thanks for the support, I somewhat feel like it was a backslide but who knows for sure?? I keep going to the success stories and the men who remained friendly got the results, but I also think they did a good job of GAL.

[Cie la vie]

MHL,

I typically can't post on the weekends but I'm in the office working a bit today and thought I'd get in a post or two.

I am not reading anything into this b/c I don't care,

Sound thinking. It can be quite difficult to avoid thinking things might be changing in the W's mind as that is what we all are hopefull for, but as I think we have discovered it is almost always a mirage.

Good for you on keeping up the GALing it truly is a key to breaking free for the emotional pounding. Fortunately the skies have cleared in SoCal and I was able to get for long hike in Griffith park this morning. Cool, crisp and clear with snow on the local Mtns. it's a tonic for my soul.

On the W front she has been gradually moving out of the house and into her apartment, this process has been slowed by the consistent rain we have had. She now will not be completely out until this Wednesday. Before I went for my hike I asked her to write down what she wanted to take with her (not what she was going to take with her). When I returned she had done so. This will open a interesting and in all likelihood a tension filled discussion. I just need to keep my cool and operate from a logical state of mind.

I too will be taking in as much of the Championship games as possible tomorrow and will be GALing tonight.

Happy Saturday Everyone.

Right back at you!

[MHL]

Clv,
Sorry you had to work today, but good to hear you got out on a hike. Must be beautiful out there in So Cal. Heading out in a minute to get a bite to eat with the kids and then its out for the evening for me.

My Father had some good advice for me on the "stuff" in the house. Let her take whatever the f*%k she wants just get her out and get the sep. agreement done. I think we discussed this before, she wants to get out so bad and that gives you the upper hand, use it now. Don't get mired in arguments over pots and pans or TV's and furniture, (Well, maybe not the TV) but anything else take it. It really is an act-if I think.

Alright that was the last post, I'm out!!!

[dwinter82]

MSH, your father and my father would get along great, and you are right, the TV stays!!

Ok, time to GAL. Have fun tonight.

[MHL]

Okay, recon report from GAL activities last night.

It is ugly out there men, just horrific, the horror of it all......actually the scenery was quite nice but still a little depressing seeing all the 30 - 55+ crowd (men and women)acting in desparation but I still had a lot of fun. Still very rusty in the pick up lines but the one that really worked believe it or not was "Do you go to my church". That always got a reaction, and the only reason I used it is because there were some women there from my church!!!

I walked in the door and immediately someone I new from the neighborhood (divorced) called out my name from across the bar and came and gave me a hug. That felt good that someone knew me right away, she was not part of the group I was meeting. Saw 2 more people I knew, again not part of the group I was with so I did not feel so out of place. But the first has been in contact wiht my W and this person told me she wants to tell my W that the grass is not so green after D. Couldn't believe it, she is a WAW also. I know it will get back to my W that I was out, not that I care but just so she knows I am moving on.

The rest of the night was fun, talked to a lot of people but my heart was not in it, maybe with time I don't know. Also, this place is a total "meat market" night club scene, which I have never been really good at. I am sure I will go again but I do not have to return anytime soon.

Went to church this morning and I it is absolutely my favorite part of my week. I do feel the love of people that care about me and my family and will pray for us. Lunch out with Sunday School Class after then home. Watching playoffs in a bit with friends. More good GAL.

Just a little bit ago, my W called from work. She works part time at dept store at mall, I did not even know she had to work today. I figured she was out last night doing whatever and had no obligations today, I even pondered that she might have has an out of town trip planned. I answered after I saw the call was from the dept store. W said hi in a very sullen voice. I gave her a cheerful "hey, how's it going?" She said she has had a very bad morning, as been down, she is missing the kids terribly.
This is the first time she has said this in 5 months. She wanted to talk to them if she could, I told her S9 is right here and handed phone to him, they talked breifly for about a minute and then hang up.

Could this be a crack in the armour? Don't know, just writing it down and moving on. Possibly moving into the Depression Stage of MLC?? Sticking with the program, do not initate contact, be friendly when talking about kid exchange, continue GAL activities. I hate to put it like this but it is kinda fun, I am feeling great and she sounds miserable. Hmmmmm....I recognize this but the roles were reversed???

Go Vikings!!!