Piecing Without Transparency

[addie]

Hi Everyone,

Although we've been Piecing for 8 months, this is my first thread in Piecing. I have found Piecing a very difficult process.

For those unfamiliar with my sitch, H and I were living 2500 miles apart up until last May when we R. Prior to that, we had moved across the country for H's job, then an EA/PA a couple of months later and separation, PA ended but I moved back to my home town with S13 because I had already made plans to do so. H kept in constant contact with me, I was semi-dark because I also knew he was still pursuing OW after PA ended, even though she wanted nothing to do with him. After months of hearing everything from him that an LBS could ever hope to hear, I allow H to return to work on our M with specific boundaries such as transparency, IC and MC which he agrees to but never materializes.

For months after H returns, he looks for employment but finds nothing in his field and becomes depressed. So he decides he will go back to school to get his PhD (something he'd talked about for years). Although he gets some funding for this, I am the one supporting our family. This has caused some resentment on my part because I have supported us financially previously when H was doing other grad work. Although H enjoys what he is doing now, he's often miserable because of his financial sitch.

In the meantime, there has been no transparency on H's part, no IC or MC. On many occasions I have made it very clear to H that I need these things to rebuild trust and he keeps putting it off. I have also found recent "evidence" that he's still longing for OW (she's hundreds of miles away) and other omissions. He denies contact but I really don't know for sure - I don't trust that he would tell me the truth anyway. He tells me he would like nothing more than for the last 3 years of his life to be erased from his memory. He says he wants to be satisfied with his life but he's not, that he hates living like this. I've told him he needs IC ASAP.

Thanks for reading. I haven't been posting on my own thread for months but I really need the support now. I'm starting to become very discouraged that we can actually work this out.