Onwards and upwards!

[P17]

But something you said struck me- D deserves stable relationships in her life. It makes complete sense. If you do not plan to encourage a relationship between D and W IF you divorce, then there isn't need to try and keep one now.

You're right. And my text saying she would call her does nothing but prolong the pain. I did the wrong thing there I think. I tried to do what was right in the short term, but long term I don't think it will be in D's best interests.

I also was thinking but didn't post that maybe you could ask D if she wanted the gift and card. And you did...so now I wonder something else..does she know she can return W's gift?

She'll keep the gift £20 to spend on 'stuff' ... hmmm ...

Oh and I see why you "let" MIL give a gift to D. Makes sense again-MIL didn't hurt D.

She is still W's mum though so I need to be careful.

Now I hope you don't expect anything to happen if D accepts the gift and calls to thank them. You said you wanted to see if a gesture will be returned. What do you think could happen? What are you expecting to see? Will W reach out to see D? Do not think that it will mean she wants to see you too. My sitch is an example of WH wanting to stay in S's life but 6 months later has not shown an interest in reaching out to me.

You know the only thing I'm expecting ... a text saying something like 'thanks'. That was actually it. Nothing more.

Just sharing! Oh and do you still think W is "fighting" to keep in touch with D? I know you reflected on the past with examples of no Christmas card or condolence card. But that was the past and this is more recent.

To be honest Newmama, I simply don't know.

As I've said numerous times, I really am confused over this. I believe that W is doing nothing more than trying to alleviate her own guilt by sending the card. However she has been told by her friend, and me through her friend to leave me and D alone. The 'messages' are littered all over the place - NC, not telling her about my mum, ignoring her about Xmas - it all just says leave us alone. Yet still she continues and I simply don't get it. Even if it is guilt, how often do you need to say 'leave us alone' before she gets' the message.

D and I are a package, W has ALWAYS known this since day 1. She left us BOTH. That's it. Still she continues. There is no conceivable way she could have a normal R with D while she stays with the man she broke our family up for ... it makes no sense and I can't get it through to her. Silly texts like I sent earlier don't help though ...

I love W. I would like nothing more than to R. But I can't see her doing the legwork and at the moment I couldn't emotionally handle it. In the meantime, all I want is to be left alone and for D to be left alone so we can heal and grow through this. In 2, 3, 6 or even 12 months who knows. But now, this is all I want.