I think H is just relieved when I don't freak out. It's crazy = he says his big issue with me is that I freak out, but he keeps throwing flaming darts at me and expecting me not to jump!
I'm just tired and anxious today. I'm terrified of D when it comes down to it - scared of being poor and of having to be apart from my darling child half the week. But if it weren't for those two things, I can't see how this could be worth it any more. I'm tired of the flaming darts being thrown at me. I've never felt totally safe in our R because the love and adoration passed away after a couple years and then more and more nastiness crept up.
I know I have to set more boundaries where this is concerned. So the tiff over S peeing at night was a good place to start. The MC says to detach from the argument, cool down, return to it later and try to really listen. My H is happy to just pull out of any argument these days - it's truly fight or flight with him. But I don't trust he'll come back to the argument later.
I txted him last night and didn't ask, I stated, (trying to be more powerful) that I would like to talk sunday night and would that work for him. He said sure what about and I said the other night. Got only "ok"
Well that's progress that he won't avoid it all together.
I was literally physically sick last night from all the pain we've been through. It's not that I mind being alone with S - I'd like nothing more - I just can't imagine he'll ever come back to me. I fear he'll just love his apt - (he's always been a loner) - and never want to return. sigh.
