What to do when H doesn't contact?

[25yearsmlc]

I'm in counseling and also on antidepressants. This is my 4th one. None of the others worked. So now I'm praying that this one does.

Then with all of this depression going on I get a text from H last night while working 2nd job saying "Do not know what made you think I was ever coming back, I want the house sold so I will contact you some time soon about it. But I'm sure you will change your mind and not want to sell it. And the date I had that D13 told you about was months ago so don't get all upset about it. She was not all there too."

I'm assuming that D13 must have told H that me and the kids have been praying for H to overcome his depression and come back home.

How do I respond to a text like that? I have been standing for my M but now I don't know what to think. Do I continue to stand?

Don't respond to the comment unless you can pull off puzzlement at his comment but NOT engage in conversation about it. How long has this been going on? And why did you think he'd come back or that the only reason he left was for depression?

You need a good c or more of her, to get you out of this depression enough to "show up" more for your kids. That's the biggest thing at this moment. You need help. We don't just mean meds, but hey if they help - that is what they are for. Crying all the time is not getting him back (and is SO NOT attractive-sorry) and it's terrible for your kids to see, and praying with them FOR HIM TO RETURN is not healthy for your kids to do or see. It sets God up for failing b/c your h has free will and may not return so is God failing them? No, but your h may be staying gone, perhaps. And or, maybe God is saying "no" for a reason but I simply think God is not making your h do anything. Your h has free will and that means it does NOT always go God's way. And I think God cries when that happens, just as he cries when some people kill in God's name. That's not faith, it's hate. It's not God's will that folks divorce but they do anyhow. And it's misunderstood if God gets blamed or if there are expectations that He will solve all the problems.

Pray for God's will --guidance for you to know it, and brave strength for you to follow it--and let your kids pray for what THEY need b/c maybe they need a strong mom (they do) and they need reassurance from YOU that no matter what their deserting father has done, you won't leave them. Crying does nothing but make them terrified and sad themselves. I URGE you in the strongest terms possible to get more help b/c you have to be more present for your children and cannot keep falling apart at all, let alone in front of them.

this is not a criticism...it's from someone who needed help and got it and is glad. My kids saw me get happy again and it meant so much to them. We still have little traditions based on those times. Show them that the pain was deep but not eternal and NOT FATAL and the way you sound probably terrifies them. Don't desert them. Reassure them that you are there for them and THEY will be happy again ASAP....please....get the help. For you, for them....don't wait anymore.

Your h is lost for now. Not your problem. It's like he's doing a puzzle only he can do. You are standing over his shoulder telling him that you are praying he'll put a piece in a spot, "and the kids are praying and everyone is crying" if only he'll put that piece where YOU want it etc...but HE must do the puzzle himself. You must back off way back....and realize that NO WAS comes home for good, due to guilt. It does not work that way. The guilt converts into anger and resentment and they leave again IF they even com eback at all.....so lose that guilt stuffl. He has enough to deal with. don't count on him returning. Instead, [u]Count on being a woman only a fool would leave. And Become that woman. [/u]Think what a gift that would be for your kids.. You must detach. Read up on it. There are pieces on Detachment all over this site. LEARN IT AND DO IT and you'll feel so much better
j-