I'm coming late to this thread, so I don't think I understand all that has happened. But I see that you and your wife are trying to communicate, really communicate, through letters. And that is very familiar to me. Because Retrouvaille is a method of saving marriages by teaching the partners to communicate effectively through letters. So, I think you should ask your wife to go to a Retrouvaille weekend with you. You can find the weekends on the website, www.helpourmarriage.org.
The are many differences between your letters and Retrouvaille letters. They explain not only how to write the letters, but also how to read the letters, and how to discuss the letters. And they give you specific questions to answer in the letters. The entire process is very well directed to maximize the effective communication between the spouses.
I think you and your wife are very ready for the Retrouvaille experience, and would get a lot out of it. There is a lot more info on Retrouvaille on a thread in Piecing called "Retrouvaille means Change."
