SG and I talk quite a bit now. I am not trying to get him back, rather accepting that he doesn't want to be M to me anymore, and I think he feels that. Because of that, he does call more now.
It is strange. DW do you think you could remain friends w/ your W? I mean, I know you have kids so you kind of have to...
Im still standin better than I ever did looking like a true survivor feeling like a little kid Im still standin after all this time and Im picking up the pieces of my life without you on my mind..
The friendship thing is something I have put considerable thought into. The short answer is yes (or at least I hope so). We are basically doing the D ourselves with minumim L effort. Although it is painful, I think this says something about are "friendship" chances, as well as the type of R we have right now.
In my current sitch, D and friendship are not compatible, at least in my opinion. The more I know about her life, the more it hurts. Thus, my goal right now is distance with little contact; this goal does not facilitate friendship. However, I still aim to be friendly and positive for the kids. I hope, when coupled with emotional detachment, this approach will allow for friendship down the road.
Friendship and D can only be compatible if the D is a result of mutual agreement. Most of the situation the folks on DB find themselves in do not fall into that category.
_________________________ Me-41 W-39 M-15 yrs T-17 yrs D-12 S-9 S-8 B 5/08 S 1/09
Talked to the L and W today about the D; should be D in a few weeks.
I am guessing D day will be shortly followed by OM intro day to the kids. The latter will be the true test for the whole friendship thing...who said life was not fun.
Are the kids aware of the D, and that it will be official on a particular date? Do you think that she will follow the news of the D with basically the explaination for the D, meaning the OM? I would take one thing at a time and be strong for the kids, they will be looking to you for what is stable in their lives. I have made the conscious decision that I want my kids to grow up knowing that I am the more reliable parent, the one they ultimately come to when they are in need or in trouble.
You are the one that is with them at "home". Mom will always be the one who left. It will hit her one day, and she will realize the damage she caused and she will fall apart. On that day you want the kids to know they can come to you because you have been their "Rock".
Formerly "missherlove"
Me49 XW49 M17 T19 S16 D20
Expose yourself to your deepest fear; after that, fear has no power, and the fear of freedom shrinks and vanishes. You are free.
MHL, I wonder how my role will evolve in the D. D10 knows W asked me to leave, but still I'm the one who left. D7 is hard to read.
I think they both know that I'll always be there when they ask and that W is sometimes too busy for them.
I'm so close to them now, although I can already feel a little distance forming. No matter how hard I work at it, it'll never be like it was when I was tucking them in every night and telling them stories.
Me: 47, Ds 17-13, D final 6-11 http://tinyurl.com/yk4e2tz http://tiny.cc/thread2 http://tinyurl.com/ydtphqu http://tinyurl.com/thread4 http://tinyurl.com/3sm78k6 http://tinyurl.com/thread6
MSH, we still need to talk with the kids more about the D. I am going to talk with the W today and let her know she will need to lead the discussion. I want her to take responsibility and expalin to them why she moved out and why she wants a D. I do not want her to take all the responsibility but I do want her to be honest...the kids deserve that. However, a discussion about the OM in my opinion would not be a good thing at this time. To much to process and it could really hurt them.
I am starting to feel less and less each day about her and the OM and it feels good. GAL'ing and staying busy is key.
C-bart is going to join out little FB group...I will drop you a message with more info.
DW, I wouldn't push too hard on who should lead the discussion. She'll see it as you trying to control her. In our case, the talk just kind of happened on both sides. My W painted it as me needing more attention than she was willing to give. She told them I needed to be free to find someone better suited for me.
So she painted herself as a hero. We'll see how that works out. D10 and D7 aren't stupid.
I told the girls I'd always love W and she's unhappy and still searching for the magic thing that will make her happy. I added I still believe W does love me, that it's just buried somewhere.
D10 said by the time W figures that out I'll be remarried. D10 is really stressing over this. We're going to have to keep a close eye on her.
Me: 47, Ds 17-13, D final 6-11 http://tinyurl.com/yk4e2tz http://tiny.cc/thread2 http://tinyurl.com/ydtphqu http://tinyurl.com/thread4 http://tinyurl.com/3sm78k6 http://tinyurl.com/thread6
