Originally Posted By: avermont

I am trying to be very conscious of replacing neg thoughts with positive ones. At work the other day I thought "ha ha! My co-worker just did this totally dumb thing and I was right! (insert: right for once, bitter, jealous, insecure undertone) and I thought how I would tell this little story to X--ooops, that's right, we aren't together, can't tell him--and realized that it was EXACTLY the sort of neg story that was not pleasant to hear.

So I replaced it with something like: it feels good to work with co-worker and help make a better decision about what to do about this project.

Doing a lot of thought stopping these days.

Don't really want to share feelings with friends, though. I am at the point where I just don't want to talk about the sitch, my life, or my feelings. But hey, I guess I can share THAT feeling!


Hi Avermont,
Catching up with your thread, and again I'm amazed at the similarities we have. Thought-stopping, yes this is tough one to get in habit of. When my mind wanders to negative thoughts about H & what he's doing/done, I've tried to catch & tell myself, focus on me! What am I doing to better myself? I can really drive myself nuts if I dont' refocus that way. I like your multiplication tables, good mind exercise!

Also, lately I have not felt like "talking" to friends or family much when they ask about what's going on. Nothing is new to report, but it just feels painful to get into it. I too, am not naturally one to open up to people, tend to be more guarded. I think you're right, sharing THAT is sharing your feelings! Think that is how I'll deal w it.

When you mentioned your scary, spider-webby basement, I thought, Wow! Avermont must be in a parallel universe to me. I have a scary spider webby basement too!! And BTW, beautiful job on handling the tenant issue. I had a similar experience this summer, when the hot water tank tanked & had to go down there, fiddle with the knobs. Called our HVAC company, they came out, problem solved. For a price - ouch! But if H were there we still would have had to have the water tank replaced.

Every unpleasant house maintenance issue (mice is another ucckky one), has left me feeling a little more independent & strong. But of course I don't have all your skills when it comes to home maintenance, so for me that's a big 180.

FWIW, I say buy & wear the sexy red blouse! I get what Pearl was saying but I don't think you were going to wear it with some kind of expectation for an outcome w BF. You just want to let him see what he's missing - that's the difference. I think that's what meant anyway. When I met w H in Nov. (last time I saw him BTW), I put some thought into what I was going to wear & trust me I had no illusions that it would make any difference to him. He has not really given any indication that he's anything but done w M. BUT, I wanted to feel confident, and look good anyway. So I wore a nice fitting red sweater (red IS a power color) & jeans w heels. I'm a casual person so this was a few notches above what I'd normally wear on a Sat. I can say I did it for me. So do it for you. If you want to!

Don't mean to ramble on! Sorry, I tend to write a lot! I'll check back soon & fill you in on my finances situation.

I love your first post & your goals. You should read those if are feeling down, and I should take my own advice & do the same thing!! smile Stay strong ((((Avermont))))