P17 Feeling sorry for myself isn't really what i feel. I feel disgusted with myself. I feel unable to control myself. Can you be more specific as to how not to feel sorry for yourself? Are you saying i feel sorry for myself because i am posting what i did? If so how else can i convey my problem? Does the fact that i do not know how to proceed convey pity towards myself? Am I looking for approval? I do not think so. What is the point? You approve, I still feel like dirt. You don't approve, i still feel like dirt. Why do I feel like dirt? Because what i have/did is something shameful and shame is the greatest fear i have. Should i be positive now? should i go and be gung ho about getting help? I wish that i could. Believe me. I do not want or need your pity. What i want is unattainable. What i want is a time machine what i want is a normal life. what i want is a second chance.
Will get get any of that? No. That is how I feel. So step one....feeling sorry for myself? I think not. I feel sorry for the pain i caused. I loathe the other side of me.
