H suddenly moved out 10 days ago...I'm devastated

[flowmom]

Yesterday was really hard. The kids needed dentist appts, so H and I took them together and that involved spending 2 hours sitting side by side in the car (long story why, boring). Initially I made a bit of conversation and tried to keep it light. Then when he stopped talking so did I. I just sat there and tried to think of positive things. Some of it was thinking about good times we had together. It hit me really hard last night, just desperately wanting him back.

H just started using facebook a couple of days ago and I was looking in on him last night. I'm not friended but he hasn't set his privacy settings properly and I can see all of his "friends". I have no clue who most of the women are and of course I was torturing myself imagining H flirting with and dating sexy young things. H is a hardbody and admired in his business/sport...he will have no problem finding the ego boost that he wants right now. I have to stop doing this to myself. I justified it as trying to get info about whether an OW is involved.

This morning I did set a boundary with H. The children have been getting up really early, I think because they are on hyper-alert since the separation. S started talking about nightmares recently (never happened before) and I asked H to stop reading Harry Potter to him because I think that S is too sensitive for that, esp in this situation. H wasn't happy about it even though I found a different series that S's teacher had recommended. Anyway this morning I told H that S had told me that he woke up early and came in to snuggle with me because it made him feel safer against the monsters. H dismissively told me that that was my "hobby horse" and that S was just trying to manipulate me. I firmly said that my parenting concerns are *not* "hobby horses" and "you can respectfully disagree with me but it's not OK to talk to me like that". To me coparenting in this situation means taking seriously the signs of stress that the children are showing, but I guess H doesn't want to fully acknowledge the consequences of his actions.