so much of your story seems similar to my own. my h also can't see us together anymore and wants to separate, while i see the problem as being totally resolvable. i also have realized the things i've done and owned up to my responsibilities in getting us to this place, but when i told him about my "revelation," he, like your h, responded that he didn't want to work on us anymore and that it was too little, too late. i don't think D is the answer...also like you, there has been no infidelity, no abuse, just normal humans making normal mistakes. in any marriage, people will hurt each other, whether intentional or not, and only when you learn to forgive one another and grow stronger and form a deeper bond from these times can you truly experience the joy of marriage. but...there is no telling that to my h. he hasn't moved out yet but says he is looking for an apartment this weekend. meanwhile, sometimes he sleeps on the couch, sometimes on a friend's couch (who also lives in our apt bldg), and it's hard to work on GAL when he is there within arms' reach and all i want to do is tell him things will work out, we will be fine...i feel like it would be EASIER for us to repair the damage we've done to one another and save our marriage than it would be to deal with the long-lasting affects of D. he tried this with me once before, saying he wasn't ready to be married, he was too young (we were 27 when we got M), he didn't want the responsibility, but shortly after did a complete 180 and we went to counseling together to heal that hurt.
the thing that sucks is everyone says, do your steps, GAL, move on...but there is a hole in my heart (which i'm sure you feel also!). i KNOW i will be ok without him, and i KNOW i am worthy of love and all that...i KNOW this wasn't all my fault and that we both got ourselves to this place. but now that i'm aware of what i was doing, like you, i want a chance to change. it hurts so much when both people can see what the problem is, but one person feels like it's just not worth fixing. why on earth did we make a lifetime commitment to each other if 2 years later it ends with, well, we went to counseling for a year and that didn't "fix" us, so i guess we must be permanently broken.
it just feels like drowning. the harder i resist and the more i flounder around, the deeper i sink. i feel guilty. he feels guilty. we have both apologized. so, why can't we forgive and forget - or at least, forgive and forge ahead???
you are not alone, though. i know it feels like it...but you're not.
Me30 H29 M2.5 T5 H moved out 1/23/2010 H wants signed agreement 3/30/2010 ...feeling hopeless
