She must be seeing a lawyer...what now?

[SDFoundGirl]

All of Byron Katie's stuff is tremendous. I used The Work to help me shift my thinking around my H's EA, to help find some peace and take actions that were in alignment with what I wanted.

Oh, I'm really excited to hear about someone using The Work as part of the DBing process, especially someone whose marriage has survived some bumps.

Well, The Work is really about detaching and acting in accordance with what you want/need and letting go of any notion of controlling the outcome. It's a natural fit with DBing. It's why I could look at my H and say, "H, make a choice. Continue speaking with that hoebag you had a crush on or stop. If you choose to continue talking to her, I cannot continue in this M. It is your choice."

Had to be done, because that was what was right for me. Of course I would have been devastated if he'd chosen otherwise, but I'd let go of the outcome.

Sorry to hijack

SD

[12bar]

Hi Awoken

I have been away for a while and just read through your recent events. I am sorry to hear what went down but glad you had a great trip with the kids this weekend. Stay strong - Junco

[Awoken]

Hey everyone, I'm still here.
I'm suffering from a bad case of flu. In the little time I have, I'm trying to work on my taxes, and do the state child support worksheets, all for a D I don't want.

Thanks for the replies.

(((GIMA)))

(((JG))): great post, like its my last day on earth! I can use that. thank you!

(((FlowMom))): I'll look up "The Work". I'll have a small library soon!

(((SDFoundGirl))): SkiWeekend mentality every day. D17's friend seems to do this naturally. I was thinking the same thing.

(((Junco))): thanks for checking in.

[Awoken]

My "flu" got bad enough last night that I took the day off from work and went to the doc. He said I've got a "nasty" upper respiratory bacterial infection. It's pretty odd to me. It's mainly in my sinuses and in my eyes!

I talked with my lawyer yesterday. W's lawyer is asking to host a mediation. I suppose that's good news, but with W basically already asking for everything, I'm not sure where the supposed middle ground would be.

Right now I should be doing paperwork to prepare for the mediation. I can barely see the screen right now through the muck in my eyes (gross, I know). I'm not going to be able to post much.

[Sister]

((Awoken))

Hope you get to feeling better soon. Sorry to hear you're so infected. At least it waited until AFTER the ski trip (well, mostly). You need to just take a break, get some rest and recover. The work will still be there when you feel better. You don't want to make mistakes because you're feeling poorly. You've got some time, so you might as well take it.

Hang in there and feel better!

[Awoken]

Well, I'm feeling better enough that I dragged myself to work today. Several of my clients noticed my ring was missing from my hand. I always talk a lot about my wife and kids, and they were very surprised that we could D. On top of that I look pretty terrible with my bloodshot eyes from the infection. The doc says I'm not contagious, but I look like I've been crying for a week straight.

I don't know if it's just being sick, but I felt something today I haven't felt exactly in a while. I really miss my wife. No specific anger or desperate panic, just heartbroken longing. I miss being able to call her in the middle of the day, seeing her first thing when I get home from work, talking about the kids with her, just being in the same room with her. She's out of town for two days right now so that makes these thoughts easier.
If I was confronted with her icy stares, and the facts of her planned destruction of my role in the family, I would feel different.

Of course, when I think about it I realize that the woman I miss is likely gone forever. It makes it harder when I now doubt my memories of good times over the past 18 years.

[Awoken]

Well that was short lived; missing her.

I'm gonna vent here !

When I got home from work today, I received an email from W.

We switched health insurance companies on Jan 1st, and we have to all our family perscriptions refilled. S13 takes meds for ADHD, and is almost out of his supply. I took on the task of comparing all the doctor choices, finding one that was taking on new ADHD patients, getting D13 the soonest appointment (tomorrow), and arranging to have his records transferred. I then worked my work schedule around the appointment. I've emailed W about all this as I did it. She was supposed to get the medical records herself, but when she never did I went ahead and took care of the request myself.

So today, her email told me that she was going to take S13 to the doctor instead of me. My thought is that is part of her divorce action, and claim for custody. I emailed her that we needed to stick to the original plan, and I would be taking S13 to the doctor. Then I called her and told her the same. She said I was going to use this against her, and I said she could meet us at the doctor if liked. She sounded pretty pissed, and started into some accusations, about how I avoided her around the house. I told her that I was just keeping peace in the house.
She yelled "where has this man been the past 17 years". I asked "are we agreeing that I'm taking D13 tomorrow", and she said "Yes!". Then I said, thanks, I gotta go. Bye.

I was very calm both in the email and on the phone with her, despite her being so upset. I could have made accusations about why she called the doctor, why she was intervening, why she dropped the ball on getting S13's medical records, but I just didn't anything positive from it.

I suppose I could've set a boundary better, so this stuff doesn't keep happening. I'm not sure how to word it, and I need to work on this a lot more for the future!

Thoughts anyone? 2x4's?

[givingitmyall]

Sounds like you handled it well. I think in a way, you did stick with a boundary of sorts - you told her you were taking D to the appointment.

Sorry I haven't been a round much this week. It's been busy.

[Dane]

You did great.

[January girl]

Awoken,
I think you did GREAT!! You were calm and in control.
How did that feel?? WAY TO GO!!
I'm sure some of her motivation is
guilt when it comes to the kids.

Just keep doing what you know is right.
When in doubt ask yourself "Is this right for me/my kids/the situation?" Go with your
instinct-I think.

Keep it up,
JG