Looking for help with WAW

[mza8]

Sandi, regarding the emails. I told my W that I would not communicate by email any longer. I told her this a month ago but backslid a few times since then...not good I know. Well last weekend my computer broke so I left her a voice mail that I can only communicate by phone or in person...don't think the in person is going to happen, maybe I should be content with phone communication for now? She left me voice mails yesterday about bills. I was on the phone with clients at my new job and couldn't answer. When I called her back I got her voice mail. Seems like she always let's my calls go into voice mail, I guess she wants to hear what I want first before she talks to me? I think she is being passive aggressive. As far as consequences for no emailing...well, to be honest I guess I didn't set any consequences. I just told her that I wouldn't email any more. I should set consequences, will have to think about what they will be.

Regarding splitting up the bills, yes, I agree that is the biggest issue at this time. She told me over a month ago that she was going to take her name off joint bills, said she would handle it. Then within the past two weeks she found out it wssn't as easy as calling those places to remove her name. So she needed me to fill out some paperwork which I did. She is still having difficulty removing her name from some joint accounts and it seems like she is aggravated with me about it. You are correct in that I definitely do not think she is being fair with what she wants to do with joint bills. I mentioned in an earlier post that she took a large sum of money from our joint account. She told me yesterday that she doesn't think she should have to pay for joint bills for utilities and our car because she is not living in our huse and not using the car, I have it. I think she has a legal responsibility to continue to use our joint money to pay our joint bills until her name is removed. I don't understand her thinking that she took most of our money and now she doesn't want to use it for our joint bills. She took that money and has it in some new account that she will not tell me. She has other monies in another accout which she can use for her expenses...a lot of money. This is all about control for her. I told her she must return our money into our joint account. She said she would talk o me about that when we met to discuss dividing our furniture, etc. That's the meeting she wants to have with her father present. So lately I have been thinking what is fair for me and how to convey this to W. I don't really care if it upsets her at this point as she is being completely unfair and unrealistic.

I hear what you're saying that my W may not be doing so well but from what I see I guess it's hard for me to think she is anything but fine and into only herself at this point. If's she's not doing well then it doesn't make sense to me why she won't take tim$e to think about this huge life changing decision. She is in IC but who knows for what? Probably just more closure and justification for what she I'd doing. I'm having a lot of resentment towards my W right now. It upsets me that she left without being mature ebough to talk to me first. In one of the last emails I sent her I asked her if she could be 100 percent sure she wouldn't feel differently in a year. I asked her how could she be certain. In that case why not continue with being apart for 6 months with NC and then try to talk. I don't understand what she has to lose? After 19 years together why not be sure first? I know she feels sure right now but no one can predict the future. Oh well, for now I am following the advice of those on this board. Only time will tell what happens in the future. Sad part is all of the positive changes I have made during this difficult time that my W won't see or even care about...her loss.

As for possible EA, it could happen but you are right Sandi, what can I do about it anyway. It upsets me to see W feel like M is something to throw away without any real work. Doesn't make sense to me.