Sandi2 when you get the chance would you still tell me what snapped you out of the fog. Thanks.
It was a combination of things that hit about the same time and I think that is why exposure works in some cases. I don't know that I have told this but maybe once b/c of reasons i won't go into, but one of my grown children knew of my EA and confronted me. There is no way that I can explain my humiliation. I had spent my entire life being a person of respect (especially to my family) and I had so carelessly threw it by the wayside.
Being a Christian, I was dealing with a lot of conviction over my EA. Even when I was trying to get a grasp and control my behavior, I would go to Church and pray.....then go back home and give in to the addiction the Internet/OM pull on me.
I had been stuggling with myself but when my child confronted me face to face and told me "everything" I had been doing....there was no way around it. I was so ashamed and I remember asking if my child thought it was too late for my H to still love me. I was told he loved me more than any man could ever love me but that I had hurt him more than I'd ever know b/c he would not let that hurt show in front of me. And, he didn't! I saw his anger, and I saw his determination of me not contacting OM in our home, but I never saw him act weak in any way in my presence. He did his suffering in private.
That had more impact on me than any one thing, but God was working on my heart and I knew that in reality, I could not go live the lifestyle I had fantazied about and expect God to be in my life. The thing is, I had always had God in m y life since I was a child. I knew for Sandi, it had to continue to be that way.
In many ways, my stitch was a little bit different from others but not entirely (and I won't go into all of that). I had enough exposure to know a tiny bit of the effects.
Anyway, there is nothing like having your grown child confront you about your behavior and you feeling like you are the disobedient kid and they are the adult parent!
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
