how do i keep my hope alive?

[happywithchange]

I'm not sure how you are DB'ing when you are so in contact with him. Disappear from him. Focus on yourself in the meantime. I'm not sure what's wrong with you but whatever it is, it's what wasn't working. Time to do the opposite. You say you are hopeless. Hope will only come when you come to the realization that you can live without him. I was hopeless and felt tremendous despair. Then while I was working out one day one of the divorced mom's in town flirted with me. I have known this woman for 5 years because our boys are good friends and she never gave me a second thought. But while I was walking around the gym positive and full of life, practically glowing (while at home my wife sat, not loving me, and dreaming of her fantasy life without me), this woman walked up to me gave me a pretty extended hug (she had never hugged me before) and then talked to me for 15 minutes. That was when I realized that no matter what I will be ok as long as I continue with the new me. The "positive confident upbeat and happy to be alive" me. And I went home and told my wife that I will be ok no matter what. She was baffled and said I know you will. And I said "What you think doesn't matter, *I KNOW* I will. And that's when I offered to start looking for apts for her. Not what I wanted obviously, but I did it anyway. And it helped tremendously in changing her view of me. I wouldnt have gotten to that point if I hadn't truly tried to make permanent positive changes in my life. MY wife doesn't say she loves me yet, and wont for a long time, but she's still here. And if she leaves, I know that I will be just fine! Sure it will hurt, but I have been hurt before and survived.