First off- agreed, totally. Your W does need professional help for a variety of issues.
But I'm wondering- you asked her for the truth, but did you really stop to consider if you could handle the truth? Did you think beforehand how you would react? Was there an answer that would have been more "acceptable" to you, that you wouldn't have wigged out on? You already knew the answer was not going to be zero. So did it matter what the actual number was then? What was the point in asking- was it a test? Your W was taking a big gamble to answer that question- if she gives the "wrong" answer, she faced losing you forever, if it's an "acceptable" answer, you might consider forgiving her.
IMHO- I always thought that was a question best not asked until you already decided what kind of action you were going to take based on the knowledge that a spouse was unfaithful- the number doesn't need to be an additional litmus test. A person is not going to feel comfortable volunteering that information unless he/she is in a secure environment- secure meaning that the outcome is already ordained, whether it's D or reconciliation. He/she shouldn't have to worry about the answer influencing the other's actions.
One other point- yeah, it is possible for someone to sleep around and claim that their spouse is still the love of their life. She's not unique in that regard. My H was quite open about wanting to sleep with other women, but it was "nothing personal" about me, he needed "variety". And that was more important to him than my feelings. So yeah, my H has similar issues, he was just more upfront about them.
I hope you do feel better soon, AFWAW. I know it was a shock to hear, and it is a lot to get over.
