need quick opinions to bounce around. There is an event tonight that I plan to attend. He might be there. Some friends have suggested I make him jealous and ignore him. I am not so comfortable with that. I was thinking I would be polite and pleasant as I would be to any acquaintance, but maintain my disconnect. any suggestions?
"If you strike me down, I will become more powerful than you can possibly imagine!" 1st thread
WhatNow, your planned response will be, IMO, far better. Trying to invoke jealousy (and they often can tell) proves that it still bothers you, that he can still get under your skin. Wanting to make him jealous means you still care what's going on with him. Civility and pleasant detachment, in contrast, says that you are so indifferent to him that being at the same event is neither here nor there. Indifference is a far more bitter pill to swallow.
And remember, friends are some of the greatest people we have. But they think with their hearts, and not with their heads. We can't be that impulsive. This situation requires cool, calculated logic, not emotion.
undefeated 24 H 24 S's 4, 2, 1 M 5 yrs
"Most of the important things in the world have been accomplished by people who have kept on trying when there seemed to be no hope at all." ~Dale Carnegie
thanks...I do recognize my friends are coming from a place of anger and protectiveness, rather than a save the M. speaking of that, I promise to never utter the words "If it were me I would..." I now know, we do NOT know what we would do in any sitch until we are there. I'd be rich if i had a nickel for every "D the louse".
And what's with the wedding ring thing??? I'm not sure how it can help him at all. Everyone at work knows who his wife is and who his shack up is. (They work together) OW has since been divorced... Why would she put up with that??? I suspect he uses it to keep HER at a distance...close but not too close.
"If you strike me down, I will become more powerful than you can possibly imagine!" 1st thread
FWIW, there was a marathon both of us were scheduled to run in a couple weeks ago and WAH didn't go. I totally expected him to be there and totally relieved he didn't. But, just surround yourself with friends and just treat him as you would any other person... polite but be indifferent.
Hope you have a good time!
M40, H39 M17 T20 D13, S12 H moved out 05/09 D filed 1/10
But, just surround yourself with friends and just treat him as you would any other person... polite but be indifferent.
I agree.
me: 42 | STBXH: 41 | T: 18 | M: 10 | separation: Jan 3, 2010 | they deserve better: S7 & D4 current thread: http://tinyurl.com/3y8sxcp .: first breathe, then heal, then start LIVING :.
Hi WhatNow... sorry I didn't read all your pages and saw that newmama was mentioning me. I've been a sahm for almost 13 yrs and my career experience is outdated now. I'm going back to school for a new career. My L told me that I am due rehabilitative alimony to get back on my feet and because of the length of our marriage I should also get permanent alimony too. Married 17 yrs.
M40, H39 M17 T20 D13, S12 H moved out 05/09 D filed 1/10
All my worry for naught. H wasn't there. Relief. Our weather here has been really freaky. Just a little rain, but these desert rats get all excited when there is water on the ground! A couple of the tents at one of the auctions blew onto the freeway and trashed a lot of cars...so sad. I hope no one was hurt. We were in a real building so we had fun!! And I had my pic taken a lot!! And I'm sure H will see them. That's enough jealousy.
Cutter: I am afraid it would push him away. The guys I am pictured with are either married friends of ours or they were single guys he didn't know. I didn't do anything I wouldn't have done if he was there. He can wonder, I guess.
DbD: I have been catching up w/ your thread...similar sitches! My L said to do nothing new/different as far as work/finances, until D is final.
But, I did have a really great time!
"If you strike me down, I will become more powerful than you can possibly imagine!" 1st thread
WhatNow, I appreciate that I am much younger and have been out of the workforce a lot shorter time. But I have been a sahm for almost six years. And I am worried that if I wait until my H finally files for a D or a D is finished I will be in a bad situation. Putting three babies in child care, feeding and clothing them, and paying the bills will almost certainly be more than he has to pay me. Do you think maybe I'm worrying too soon? Sorry, don't mean to hijack your thread but you seem more experienced/wiser in this matter.
undefeated 24 H 24 S's 4, 2, 1 M 5 yrs
"Most of the important things in the world have been accomplished by people who have kept on trying when there seemed to be no hope at all." ~Dale Carnegie
